RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 4:45 am |
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Alright everyone. Since I first saw the Story Game thread, I've enjoyed reading the odd twists and turns it has taken. Being that this site is centered around music, it didn't surprise me that there are many creative minds here. So, I have an idea, and it's just somethin' for everyone to read. Here's the deal:
In this thread, write a short story, without thinking too much about it before-hand. Make it funny; make it serious; make it whatever you like. Just write something for others to read when they are bored. Rules aren't really too important with this, but I know when I'm bored and reading something, I can lose interest kind of easily. With that said, it might be a good idea to make it a short story that is truly short in length. If you want, give the story a title, that's up to you. I'm not sure how well this will work, but if you want to, give it a try. I'll post the first one, and we'll go from there.
"Billy-Goats Win, In The End"
One day, on the edge of a peaceful stream, a billy-goat woke from a deep, comatose state. When he opened his eyes, he was dizzy, and didn't quite understand why he wasn't on the farm anymore. He moved his head around, and wondered about it momentarily. But then, he heard a voice. "Hello there, lil' goat!" Immediately he knew that this was a voice he had heard before. He looked around, and at first, he couldn't find the being that had spoken to him. When he finally did, he nearly leaped for joy. It was Moddra- his childhood friend. "Moddra!", he exclaimed. "I haven't seen you since the time we both played in that Polka-hopscotch tournament, back in 85'!" "Yes, indeed. How have you been ya' silly shit?", asked the exuberant, Moddra.
The billy-goat and Moddra hit it off, as if they had never even lost contact. But then, the billy-goat remembered that he didn't know how he ended up on the edge of the unfamiliar stream. That's when he decided to ask Moddra about it. "Moddra, I was wondering if you have any idea how I ended up here? -'cause I don't remember a single thing." Moddra suddenly expressed a more serious look on his face, and briefly examined the billy-goat with his eyes. Then, Moddra said, "Let me ask you..., are you aware that your tail is spray-painted bright orange?" "What?!?!", said the billy-goat, in shock. Moddra spoke again, but this time, in an even more serious tone. "Ok..., this worries me a little. I didn't ask about it, because that one time you decided to have your hooves coated in liquid rubber." Moddra paused for a second, and it was evident that he was trying to recall any suspicious characters he may have seen around there that day. The billy-goat waited, and tried to think of the bastard who may have vandalized him. He grew nauseaus, and almost spewed some puke. He was startled by the resumption of Moddra's voice, which was sharp, and louder than before. "I think I saw three guys who might be the assailants!" Anxious to hear more, the billy-goat said, "Yeah? ...Who were they? What did they look like?" The answer that followed was creepy and strange. "Oh man, billy-goat..., they didn't look too friendly. They were all about two and a half feet tall, and looked like a cross-breed between a penguin and a female circus clown." The billy-goat stood in place, stupified and horrified.
But Moddra didn't have to say another word... Just then, the three hideous creatures popped out of a deeper area in the stream, one by one. The billy-goat almost fainted at the sight of them, but instead sent projectile vomit straight into one of the perpetrators stomachs. As he landed, the other two looked down at their fallen friend, and instantly became infuriated. "Moddra!", shrieked the creature on the right, "He's dead! There was nothing in our little deal saying that goat-shit here would kill one of us!" The billy-goat looked on, stunned, offended, and betrayed, as Moddra began to speak again. "Relax guys. I'm here, and I'll take the dead guy's place. Why don't I give each of you one purple skittle, to help you feel better?" As soon as Moddra tossed the second skittle, the billy-goat projectiled again, almost hitting another one of the creatures. "Watch it, b**ch-tail! If you hit me, I won't die! I'll roast you over a fire later, and then feed you to my mother's new puppy!" Both creatures laughed hysterically, and Moddra immediately joined in. "What the hell's going on, Moddra?!?!", asked the billy-goat in complete embarrassment. Moddra gladly began to present his explanation... "Well, it's really very simple, my dear, freakish, lil' billy-goat... You see, during those Polka-hopscotch games, you made your tail sway, which sent cold air rushing through my ankle hairs. The shivers that were evoked, made me fall, and I soon lost the game." As the billy-goat tried to make sense of everything, he asked, "That is what this is about?" Moddra grinned slightly, and nodded, as the billy-goat continued. "Moddra, I didn't wave my tail around, just to make you lose the game. I'm a goat; when I get very excited, that's just instinctive." The creature on the left quickly chanted melodically. "Excuses, Excuses...; your goat-lies are useless." Moddra found it to be humorous, and after a quick giggle, looked back towards the billy-goat. "I agree with my friend here, and I'm not sorry to tell you- (abrupt stop)" Moddra and the billy-goat locked eyes, and the two, tiny beast-creatures looked on with evil grins (for dramatic effect). Moddra was about to climactically reveal the impending punishment. He waited for the drama to fully set in, and then continued. "Well..., I've decided after all of these years, to implement a lawsuit against you, on the claim of severe emotional damages."
-And that brings us to the conclusion of the story... The billy-goat was so traumatized, that he found an old man's shed nearby, and died shortly after sunset (R.I.P., the billy-goat). Moddra went back home, without any idea that he was a demented moron, who wanted to sue a talking goat. When the claim was denied, he simply returned to his ignorant life. He doesn't know about the billy-goat yet. The three- I mean, two troll-like creatures, had just been three aspiring actors (Davie B.- R.I.P. -, Rob F., and Denaldo T.). Moddra had hired them to play the roles of three evil monsters, assisting in his attempt to get some "revenge in advance," before the lawsuit was filed. They thought it would bring them closer to getting "break-out" roles, as "munchkins," in a supposed re-make of "The Wizard of Oz." Today, one is gone (again, R.I.P.), and the other two can't believe that they actually accepted Moddra's lunatic offer. They have since given up acting. Still something is missing... Ah yes! -The pleasantly surprising, happy ending. The inner-soul of the billy-goat made out just fine. It went up to "lil' billy-goat heaven," where night after night, it goes to lavish parties with the souls of at least ten female billy-goats. So, the end-result proved shitty for everyone, except for the billy-goat's soul.
THe eND
There ya' go... That was mine, and now it's somebody else's turn. Anyone.....? Take care, everyone! Later! |
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Will
ubw rookie
Joined: Dec 08, 2005
Location: Half a mile from Rehab, one mile from home
Posts: 119
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 5:54 am |
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Waaayyyy to go Rick..hehe...
Ok, here's mine.
Laura Cabbage and the evil Doctor Lemming
Laura the cabbage returned from work this morning to find out that all her beloved children had been tranformed by the evil Doctor Lemming into various retail outlets such as Woolworths, Wal-Mart and several mediocre small discount stores that sold products that didn't work very well.
Angry, Laura the Cabbage phoned Doctor Lemming, who was to be found in the phone book under SINISTER EVIL CAMPAIGNS FOR THE SLIGHTLY DEMENTED.
"Why have you done this to my children you evil, warped, psychotic, wierd Lemming, you?"
Thinking this was sexual phone call, Lemming had undone his zipper and in the process had caught several hairs. In a high squeaky voice he replied "What are you wearing?"
"Never mind what the bloody hell I'm wearing you socially unacceptable fart on the face of humanities arse boil." Answered Laura the Cabbage. "Turn my children back!"
Lemming picked up the $65.99 walk-anywhere-phone, turned off the super-woofer speaker phone and walked over to a mirror where he could see his nakedness in 3D HD backlight. "Do you like to play with cucumbers?"
"Uh?" Laura the cabbage was confused.
"Slowly rub the cucumber up and down your thighs," Lemming continued, "before gradually inserting the thick vegetable into your..."
"Turn back my kids, you sick, pathetic, lonely, sado-masochist!"
Sighing dejectedly, Lemming turned from the 3D HD backlight mirror and walked over to the Transformation machine. "I wouldn't normally do this, but I haven't been blown out over the phone before."
He flipped a switch.
Laura the cabbage watched in amazement as her children returned back to little cabbages. She dropped the phone and ran to hug them.
Meanwhile, in Californi, a hot sweaty place full of 300 year old women who spend millions to look like 5 year year olds, an evil scheming Japanese plastic surgeon, Doctor Keepemyoung watched Doctor Lemming through a video screen and thought this was an ideal time to branch out in creating a race of super-evil villains from his clients to overthrow Lemming and his vegetable/fruit fetish |
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Later, man!
