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Aubrii
ubw rookie
Joined: Aug 21, 2005
Posts: 151
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| Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 7:15 am |
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hey, I'm new at this. This is the first of hopefully many poems that i wish to share with you.
don't break my heart
darkness and hello my dear
there's something i have to say
lean in close, lend me your ear
please don't try to run away
you have something that is mine
you took it all, not just part
it was very close to me, now it's gone
that's right love, you took my heart
If your good you can keep it
if you're not, i'll take it away
please try not to stain it
I want to use it again someday
darkness and hello desire
please keep my heart safe
my love for you will never tire
and yours for me will not erase
So lock my heart up tight
make sure no one can take it
Don't let it out of sight
love, please try not to break it
everynight you steal my dreams
every moment, every part
the leading role in all the scenes
so break a leg love, not my heart |
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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:59 am |
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'darkness and hello desire'
for some reason i really like this line, but over all its pretty good. to me it rhymes a little too much. i no its a poem but even still they dont have to rhyme. |
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Aubrii
ubw rookie
Joined: Aug 21, 2005
Posts: 151
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| Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 1:16 pm |
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thanks. i know poems don't have to ryme, this just happens to be one of mine that does. |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 11:41 pm |
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Hey Aubrii. Welcome to the UBW!
This poem is well written, and I'm hoping that you will share more. To be brief, this is very enjoyable. So, post more, and you can be sure that I'll be reading.
Oh yeah, I have some poems posted on here, though I'm just getting back into poetry again. I'm more into writing song lyrics now. If you want, send me a PM, and I'll give you a couple titles to take a look at. If you don't, that's fine too. Later! |
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