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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 11:02 am

War has killed our population.
For a lifetime, For a lifetime,
War has f**ked our friendly nation,
For the last time, For the last time,
For the last time now,

War has taken everything,
War will take the last of me,
War has taken everything,
War has taken control.

War cares not for innocance,
You're a target, I'm a target,
War has orphaned, widdowed, murdered,
For the last time, For the last time,
For the last time now,

War has taken everything,
War will take the last of me,
War has taken everything,
War has taken control.

War is blinded by anger and pride,
Patriotism by your side,
But does it help you hide,
Their faces from your dreams at night?
Things will never be alright,
An early grave is standard birth-right,
And that's the only thing that you don't take from them,
And peace is a dream these people will never see,
Because freedom costs money and nothing is free,
And they are too terrified to sleep at night,

War has taken everything,
War will take the last of me,
War has taken everything,
War has taken control.

ubw rookie Joined: Apr 30, 2005 Posts: 81

man it's realy cool but da last lin befo da hook ya gota rim it... coz it ain't flow fo real
i mean da 3 last lins gota be kind dis

And peace is a dream these people will never see,
Because freedom costs money and nothing is free,
And they are too terrified to sleep at night just lik me

somtin like dis...

PIS

INDEFINITE

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 3:10 am

Hey Tom,

This song has, once again, replaced whatever song it was, that I told you was my favorite from you (I think I said that to you; not sure). This is cool as hell, and I hope you take pride in having written it. Really, I'm not sure that you could write a song, and me not enjoy reading it. I think that sums it up good enough.

En-En, I have to say, for the sake of honesty, this song he wrote seems to be flawless. The last three lines, of that one part, are perfect for a rock song. I'm not trying to bash you when I say, "Song-writing isn't centered specifically around rhyming, in every genre." This is especially true with rock. Something that would seem out of place in a different genre of music, can very well work, when they're creating rock-styled music. Trust me, man; my lyrics will always be classified as hard rock, so I'm not guessing on this.

(En-En:) Also, just to tell you, some people put a lot of emotion into their writing, and I just wanna' give a piece of helpful advice. I don't think that you should offer an idea for a change in a song-writer's words, cause' it can make you look bad, if they don't ask you for help with that. This song pretty evidently shows that Tom put his emotions into it, and he does that with all he writes (-He's told us). If someone tries to offer me any type of change in my writing, and they came up with words for it, I probably wouldn't get offended, but I wouldn't use it. The reason is that if I did, even if it was something small, those words wouldn't be my own. They wouldn't be a product of my emotions. When I give advice to someone on their lyrics, I don't come up with the words that I think they should use. I basically just explain what I feel might improve their words, and leave the writing up to them.

(En-En:) I know it may seem like I've been jumping on your back, but the truth is I take every aspect of music very seriously, and that's just the way I think about it. I don't have a problem with anyone on this site, you included, but I will speak my mind if I think I should. That's all I need to say. Smile

So Tom, I'll say again, the song is great. On the other hand, if you keep writing the way you do now, I'm gonna run out of compliments, because you can only say "it's very good" in so many, different ways (-twas' a joke)... Laughing

There..... Cheers, All!

RiCterMan

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 7:34 am

Thanks Rick... Always good to get your opinion.

About people offering alternate lines; I realy don't mind. Chances are, yes... I won't use them, because chances are I have probably tried them out along with all the other alternate lines I come up with when writing a song and the ones I post are obviously going to be the ones I feel work best with the song. The only way I would change it is if the new line worked better and portrayed the same emotion or meaning which I was attempting to put accross.

I will comment on some of your stuff in a bit when I get back from the shops.

Thanks again...

Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 7:49 am

I get what you're sayin', man.

I think for me, it's another part of writing, as well as the emotions, that would keep me from using an offered line in a song. I've stated before that my first goal when writing are the emotions behind the words, but there's also an underlying reason, and that is the whole challenge of writing a decent song. I love trying to fulfill that challenge every time. Really, I try to take on any challenge I come across with writing lyrics, whether it's just the usual, that comes along with writing any song, or a challenge someone sends my way. Of course', it has to be somehow related to some feeling/feelings I have. Otherwise, that's not a fun challenge for me. I find that it's very gratifying though, when I feel that I've succeeded with a "test of my ability." Cheers, Tom!

RiCterMan

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