hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 11:17 pm |
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I know that this one isnt my best. But to me its one of my favourite because it means alot to me. I wrote this about my girlfriend, we've been going out since august of last year and shes my best friend my hole life so i wrote this. the last verse is really weak but its the meaning and emotion behind the words that make it good to me.
"Trademark Summer"
Never forget the trademark summer
Forever branded on my heart
But now it’s starting to scab
Bleeding from my memory
Hand in hand I’ll never forget
The August sky forever stained
With the love I’ve bleed for you
To fuel the sparkle in your eyes
First kisses and heart felt wishes
I only needed one to know it was real
I won’t forget
Your taste on my lips your hand in mine
I can’t forget
The stars above our head
As we lay in grass meadows and
Pass the summer away
You’re the first to steal my heart
Use it as you please
Hold it on high strings
Wear around your neck
Waiting for what tomorrow brings
When I fall from these clouds
Im glad its by you I'll fall |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 12:17 am |
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Hey,
Very nice work. The last verse seems fine to me. The expression "Looks can be decieving" could be applied here, because it looks a little bit weak, but not so much that it ruins the whole song. There's one more thing I wanted to say... What was it...? Ah yes..., this a very cool song, and not many people can write a song that has a romantic theme. That's pretty impressive. Cheers, you!
RiCterMan |
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