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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 7:10 pm |
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Incase you dont know the gallows is where they hung "witches" in Salem in 1692 and Sarah Cloyce was one of the accused women.
“Is it hell you see (When you close your eyes)”
When you close your eyes is it hell you see
All I can see is you,
The brimstone slowly blazing in your eyes
Feeling the anguish in your screams
Keeping your secrets hidden deeper then the wounds
I found on your lacerated heart beating softly in my hands
When you take a breath is it evil you breathe
All I can breathe is the love that lingers above
Slowly turning stale from the bitterness in your voice
Intoxicating our lungs with the lies sifting in the air
Cutting out my heart with the promises shattered
Through out my room when you said I was the only one
Dance on hill tops in the Gallows
With my heart hanging from the tallest tree
Under which we used to lay and carved in our names
It was Sarah Cloyce that stole my heart
Try as a witch and burn her at the steaks
Chase her through the streets with torches lighting the sky
As you hang from the very tree where the angels once sang
Our old song, I’ve forgotten the words
But I still sing along with you till my lungs are bleeding
And are hearts stop beating until you carry me off in the night
When you close your eyes is it hell you see
I’ll be there when you open them to stand by your side |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 1:20 am |
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Nice job... It's very cool how you made it haunting, even though it seems to be about someone you care about. That shows some intense creativity. Post more! Cheers!
RiCterMan |
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sixtysecondminute
ubw rookie
Joined: May 27, 2005
Location: Solihull, UK
Posts: 186
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 5:29 am |
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I think it reads great... but I can't for the life of me imagine a melody. The last verse is just briliant. I love every word.
Just a pointer... I cant see the words 'brimstone', 'stifling' or 'lacerated' working in songs.
Please Please Please!!!! post a copy once it is recorded. I would love to hear it  |
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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 9:56 am |
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hey the blacks you couldnt be more right it is so hard to get music for this. Ive tried but its just not coming to me. I might rewrite it a bit just to get the flow down. |
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sixtysecondminute
ubw rookie
Joined: May 27, 2005
Location: Solihull, UK
Posts: 186
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 10:06 am |
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If you could record the vocal melody, I would be happy to help come up with a guitar part for you (or try atleast  ).
It depends how you plan on writing the guitar part (assuming you plan on having one). I tend to write in power chordes alot... so it's easy for me to come up with a part if I put my mind to it. Try picking two power chordes in the vocal range you plan on singing (or screaming) and pan back and forth whilst singing the song to get the timings. Then try adding a few chordes in... and hey presto. It works if you stick at it.
I don't think you should re-write it... but if you do; make sure you remove the word 'lacerated'. A four sylable word in the middle of a sentance can throw your vocal melody off somthing rotten. I usualy end up writing a few too many sylables into a line and messing it up having to try and speed it up to keep in time. This can realy disrupt the flow of the music... and could potentially f**k up an otherwise faultless song.
Tom / The Blacks |
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