Yesterday

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Bullet41
ubw rookie
ubw rookie



Joined: May 22, 2005
Location: Bracknell
Posts: 120

Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 7:12 am Reply with quote

You told me that am a devil
that should be locked away
they say that am an madman
"that everyone will soon hate"
all am tring to do is fix what i did wrong in the past
but all you do is give me an f**king clast

leave me hear all on my own in the darkness

You told me that me
that my sister doesnt want me
and all i do is bring shame in the familie
so am running away from here
to an far away place
"That all i can see is darkness"

It seems no one here understands me
you people dont know how its feels to be me
you think my life is easy
but its hard to belive me
"because you are not me"

leave me here all on my own in the darkness

Its all the same with you people
its all the same
ITS ALL THE SAME

It seems no one here understands me
you people dont know how it feels to be me
you think my life is easy
but its hard to belive me
BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ME
"yet"
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
ubw luminary



Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 4:08 am Reply with quote

Nice job! The strong emotions are very evident in this. One thing I would say as constructive criticism, pertains to the two parts that start with, "It seems no one here understands me", and lead into the line, "because you are not me." The wordings could be seen as too repetitive. It says "me" at the end of the first two lines, "easy" at the end of the third, and "me" again, at the end of the last two. If it sounds good when you sing it, then just disregard what I'm saying, because I'm just reading it, for now. However, if it was unintentional, you might wanna' think about changing it. Your song...; your choice, and this is only meant to be helpful criticism. Cheers, you!

RiCterMan
RiCterMan
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