my first song post,but it doesn't have a name...please read!

Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 2:08 pm

[B]

Just the same old stories
Running through my head
The same old excuses
But what the hell have I said!?
You make up reasons
To hang up the phone
The line goes dead and it’s just me,
Sat here on my own

I don’t care what was said
All will be forgiven
You’ll go up to bed
And this song will be written
And when you wake from your dreams
I’ll be there
‘Cause I love you
And you’re the only one for me

You leave me thinking, yeah
What am I to do?
Do I take action
or apologise to you?!
I only got one question
Do you even care!?
Another restless night for me
Lying on my own

I don’t care what was said
All will be forgiven
You’ll go up to bed
And this song will be written
And when you wake from your dreams
I’ll be there
‘Cause I love you
And you’re the only one for me

The next day it’s forgotten
But I don’t see you shine
‘Cause deep down you’re still thinking
is he even worth my time
it’s ok for you though
‘Cause you’ve got your friends there!
The moments been and gone for me
Standing on my own

I don’t care what was said
All will be forgiven
You’ll go up to bed
And this song will be written
And when you wake from your dreams
I’ll be there
‘Cause I love you
And you’re the only one for me

So all the things we’ve seen
And everywhere we’ve been
Are wasted on you now
‘Cause you don’t even care.
Will you come back to me?
If I just leave you be?
So will it all work out?
And will you be there?

I don’t care what was said
All will be forgiven
You’ll go up to bed
And this song will be written
And when you wake from your dreams
I’ll be there
‘Cause I love you
And you’re the only one for me

Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 7:35 pm

then it's untitled. if it doesn't have a name. that's what you should call it and tell us in the subject. i'm not a lyrics guy, but landed here. i doubt i would have anything of worth to say about it since i don't write them, and as a general rule, don't like them, so can't help you on that end. just really pointing out the 'untitled' thing. however, best of luck to you as you continue to hone your skills as a lyricist and keep putting in hard work. it looks like you did so here. i read a few lines and noticed they weren't the kind that someone jotts down and calls it gold. looks like you've put a lot of effort into it. that's admirable. anyhow, again, good luck and hope you get some constructive reviews. Smile

Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 7:53 pm

i think thats quite nice man.... ill give you a hug when i see you in the street sometime... Razz

stick at it man, you've got something there... Cool

ubw newbie Joined: Jul 07, 2005 Posts: 23

I'm not normally one who goes for the ABAB rhyme structure through out a piece as i mainly feel that its almost forced and can restrict the flow! However this is well written in parts in particular the chorus
"I don’t care what was said
All will be forgiven
You’ll go up to bed
And this song will be written"

followed by the break in rhyme i particulary enjoyed

"And when you wake from your dreams
I’ll be there
‘Cause I love you
And you’re the only one for me"

I am no lyrical expert but there is some work to be done, no ones work is perfect first time but keep at it and your work shall improve!

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 12:40 pm

cheers guys, i really appreciate it, coz im only 15 and startin with a new band so i wanted sum honest opinions...
was written after i'd had an argument wiv my girlfriend basically seyin it doesnt matter what we sey because i'm always gunna love you no matter what...
im happy with the criticism because it'll inspire me to go on and make it better, so thanks again and any name ideas would be much appreciated!

my first song post,but it doesn't have a name...please read!

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