No Worry, Time, and Over and Over

ubw newbie Joined: Nov 14, 2007 Location: Norfolk Posts: 7

Just a few pieces of written. Mainly just trying to get feedback, regardless if it's good or bad. I have plenty more, but i don't wanna over do it with posts or in just a single thread.

No Worry

I finally know what you've been dying to say (Even though I'm deaf)
I've known what you've been trying to do (Even though I'm blind)
But hey look don't break a sweat
Because I've already lost my mind

Hold your tongue little one
I'm finally getting the hell out of here
Finally away from the sun
Nothing left to fear

I'm going to let you slide one more time
For the sake of your life
One last time..
I'll let you rot and die

I finally know what you've been dying to say (Even though I'm deaf)
I've known what you've been trying to do (Even though I'm blind)
But hey look don't break a sweat
Because I've already lost my mind

I finally know what you've been dying to say (Even though I'm deaf)
I've known what you've been trying to do (Even though I'm blind)
But hey look don't break a sweat
Because I've already lost my mind

Hold your tongue little one
You're finally getting through here
Finally away from the sun
No more love here

I think I'll let you slide one more time
For the sake of your death
One last time..
I think I'll let you rot beneath

I think I finally know what you've been dying to say (Even though I'm deaf)
I think I've known what you've been trying to do (Even though I'm blind)
But hey look don't break a sweat
Because I'm already losing my mind

Time

Shut your mouth and hold your breath
One last time because I've been dying to get this off my chest
Take your own words and swallow them whole
I think time has caught up with us and has taken its final toll

Your actions have spoken louder than words
As I can feel the piercing from your swords
Sooner more than later this will be history
This never-ending story will be…baby

Push me against the walls you have made
My life is for the taking and you are the one who needs to be saved
Choke on your threats of departure
While you can see in my eyes, all of the torture

Turn off the lights inside
It is time….
To decide
To defy
To unwind
To reside
To live the life
To die

Over and Over

Once again…
We find ourselves reminiscing
On the memories (Once again)…
That we have failed to relocate
From the back of our minds(From the back of our minds)
Reminisce one more time…one more time
On the memories…. that we used to share

We've (yes we have) always failed (failed)
To take the chance to fix things
We've (yes we have) always tried (tried)
So hard… but it never (it never) failed
To fail us forever…. until the end

Once again…
We find ourselves reminiscing
On the pain…(Once again)
That we have failed to heal
Suffering in the back of our minds(The back of our minds)
Reminisce one more time…one more time
On the memories…. that we used to share

We've (yes we have) always failed (failed)
To take the opportunity to start over
We've (yes we have) always tried (tried)
Relentlessly …but it never (it never) failed
To fail us once more…. until the end

Too many days has the sun been away (away)
Over and over (over and over) again we find ourselves…in pain
Reminiscing….
Once again we have failed (yes we have)
Never again will we prevail…. (never again)
Reminisce one more time…one more time
On the memories….that we used to share

I never wanted…. (wanted)
You never wanted (wanted)
We never wanted (wanted)
For us to end like this….
Reminisce one more time…one more time
On the memories…. that we used to share
Reminisce one more time…one more time
On the memories…. that we used to share

all written by John Foster.. me

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 9:00 am

checked out 'No Worry' mate, i liked it... i found it quite moody and dark in places, which is something i can hook onto quite a bit, was it actually written to music or as a poem?? i only ask because of the layout seems verse/bridge/chorus like...

ill check out your other two later... i dont think its right to jump from one straight into another, i might change from the mood of the first etc... then i think it could lose meaning / power..

anyway, cheers for the read mate, good luck with your work... and welcome to UBW!! Cool

ubw newbie Joined: Nov 14, 2007 Location: Norfolk Posts: 7

i'm not too sure lol. I started writing stuff like this as young as 12 yrs old. As of this day it seems to be more melodic and containging along with what you had said, verses, bridges, and repitition. Thanks for the feedback on it. I really just always wanted to try and get my writing out there and just see what people think. Good or bad, i dont care. =D
Thanks again. I may post more up later.

Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 7:40 am

cool, cool dude, i just checked out 'Time' man, its another pretty good one!!! im seeing maybe a rap scene going on, on your first paragraph!!! could deffinately see that working well in the rap genre!!.. Smile

on the 2nd verse / paragraph my only 'qualm' would be with the 'sooner more than later' line... i feel this knocks the rhythm out of the piece slightly..and the phrase 'sooner more than later' doesnt overly-underly grammatically make too much sense if you getteth me...lol.. Laughing

especially like the ''Push me against the walls you have made '' line on the third though mate, keep going with it.... your not quite drawing vivid images in my head just yet, but your certainly on the right lines!! how old are you now by the way???

i'll check your last poem out next time im on mate.... Cool

Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 11:53 pm

lyrics are not really my cup of tea. usually, that expression would be followed by the conjunction, 'but' because why else would i bother to post in the 'lyrics' forum just to tell someone that. but i'm not going to add 'but,' AND that's why it's funny!!!!!! Laughing

but seriously, they aren't my cup of tea. reading them as a poem isn't bad though. like Face says, they are dark in some places, and even kind of creepy in others. creepy's not my cup of tea either, but you seem to do it pretty effectively. i do have a stylistic issue to mention, however. it's with the phrase, 'my little one.' if this is being used to refer to a child, which it doesn't appear to be - but i can't be sure and have to at this moment admit that i didn't read every single line (see cup of tea, not my atop the rest of the ramblings)...but as i was saying, if it refers to a child, it's cool, i guess. it's kind of creepy if it does, because it makes the narrator or whatever sound kind of like a pervert. i don't have a PhD in literary theory, but have read the book Metaphors We Live By! that counts for something. Wink

if it is being used to refer to a loved one (platonic or romantic), it can be taken a number of ways, including creepy. Confused

i guess that it's that i've read it in a lot of poems. not published ones, because i don't read those. there's just other ways to go about it, isn't there? you obviously can't just throw in the name of the person in the story, like Cassie or Sandra. it'd throw everything off, wouldn't it? i know also that at the end of the day it's just one little thing that i'm going on about here. but it was one of the things i read, so i felt obliged to throw my two cents in since i'd taken the time already to write my stupid joke (see, cup of tea, not my at the top).

ubw newbie Joined: Nov 14, 2007 Location: Norfolk Posts: 7

ubw newbie Joined: Nov 14, 2007 Location: Norfolk Posts: 7

Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 12:26 am

"yeah well i wouldn't know what to exaclty call them. I love the having rhythm and sort of a beat to my writing. I guess you could say they've all started out like a poem and tried to be a lyrical piece. haha. Yeah well the line "sooner more than later" is mainly there to get a point across. oh by the way i'm 18. "

Thats cool dude, I actually wrote 'how are you now, 18 / 19 ??' but then changed it for fear of being wrong...lol....DAMN i could have looked so clever there..... you remind me of myself at that age, sitting with an acoustic writing songs, that still to this day mean something to me... but anyway im getting me,me,me in your post here mate so i'll leave it at that, and ill read your last one on here next time because im more drunk than charles kennedy on a school night!!!

keep up the nice lyrics man... Cool

Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 12:30 am

oh...lol... n' whats the weather like in Norfolk at the mo?? its been absolutly hammering it down here... snow and allsorts!!!!

ubw newbie Joined: Nov 14, 2007 Location: Norfolk Posts: 7

nahh man the more feedback.. the better =D... thnx again..the weather, well it's cold and just sucks haha.... it's not snowing just miserably cold.

Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:19 am

'no worry' is ok.

The other two are pretty awesome! I could definitely see where those two could be nice pieces of music in a similar genre and such. Sorry i dont have deep insights like the other commentors lol.

Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 3:35 am

lol.... nice one tate.. leave me alone Razz

Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 4:00 am

are ya'll still over here talking about all those words reignballer typed up and copy and pasted and uploaded to the forum?

aahhh, i don't know what the fuss is. i can spell, too, ya know. :emoticon of smiley writing on paper: and if you read his answer to my last comment about his use of the phrase 'little one', you'd know that he's what in german is colloquially known as a 'kinderficker.' Shocked

i think you can put the clues together. Idea

lets just say, father...lock up your daughters...reignballer is on the loose!!!!

just joking man. i'm sure you're a way better speller than me. i'm just jealous. Razz

ubw newbie Joined: Nov 14, 2007 Location: Norfolk Posts: 7

haha thnx.. no deep insights required =P. feedback is just really appreciated no matter if it's good or bad. Oh gee thnx gorgatron! Good thing i'm not german then eh? hahahaha Lock up your daughter!.. Lock up your wife!.. Lock the back door and run for your life!

Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 8:23 pm

dude, you're writing poetry even when you reply. it just oozes out of you. hopefully that's the only thing you ooze on a daily basis. Razz

No Worry, Time, and Over and Over

UBW Resources

Music Forums

Music Forums

Partners