ThePrimaryColors
ubw newbie
Joined: Nov 02, 2006
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 6:08 pm |
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A billowing blaze of fire
Across the luminous sky
Gloomy days soon follow
Misting empty autumn fields
Until temperature falls
Turning the fragile earth hard and frozen
So that grass is no longer soft
But dry and cold like a stone
Though the rain ceases sometimes
It never leaves our minds |
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Aubrii
ubw rookie
Joined: Aug 21, 2005
Posts: 152
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| Posted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 9:05 am |
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I like it. One question though, why do you have a break in between te first two lines and the rest of the poem? is it meant to be there, is that how its supposed to be read, or was it an accident? Just wondering. Not saying its bad or anything i just want to know what you were thinking. i really like the last two lines for some reason, "Though the rain ceases sometimes, it never leaves our minds" love it, good work. Take a look at my newest one if you get the chance, it was inspired by October and autumn as well 
-Aubrii |
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