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Tanganzinii
ubw newbie
Joined: Aug 08, 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 10:34 pm |
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my first post !!!! this song is about a relationship that i had that pple said wasent gonna last and i tried tomake it work and prove all of them wrong but in the end it didnt out so yeah..
criticism and compliments anything will be vey appreciated !!! 
i guess it wasnt meant to be
i guess you chose reality
its obvious
not hard to see
they' ve taught you how to think
with ur head
instead of your heart
i guess we didnt
take the time
your love i thought
was always mine
it couldnt stay together
but easily fell apart
so thank you baby
for proving them right
love is just a cheimical reation
not worth the fight
thank you baby
for proving me wrong
the weak always find a way
to bring down the strong
thanks for giving me my shot of reality
showin me
that nothing here
was meant to be |
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minusme
Site Admin
Joined: Jan 25, 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 3648
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| Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 10:38 pm |
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Welcome to the ubw!
Nice first post 
Your verses are concise and clear and they read well.
Looking forward to reading more!
Ron |
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Tanganzinii
ubw newbie
Joined: Aug 08, 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 10:45 pm |
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awww thanks for commenting!! ill read urs too! im glad my first comment wasent"you suck" lol |
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Aubrii
ubw rookie
Joined: Aug 21, 2005
Posts: 152
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| Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 8:39 am |
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| Tanganzinii wrote: |
Verse 1
i guess it wasnt meant to be
i guess you chose reality
and its obvious
not hard to see
they' ve taught you how to think
thanks for giving me my shot of reality
showin me
that nothing here
was meant to be
Chorus
so thank you baby
for proving them right
love is just a cheimical reation
not worth the fight
thank you baby
for proving me wrong
the weak always find a way
to bring down the strong
thanks for giving me my shot of reality
showin me
that nothing here
was meant to be
Verse 2
i guess we didnt
take the time
your love i thought
was always mine
but we couldnt stay together
and we easily fell apart
thanks for giving me my shot of reality
showin me
that nothing here
was meant to be
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Ok, i hope you don't mind but i did some editing and i put in a little structure. Good job on your first post. I couldn't find much in the words to critique. I don't know how you were singing this or how the song goes, but i do know that it is important to have structure in everything you write. A song without lyrical structure is pretty much a poem (you'll also get more UBW points hehe) Hope that helps you Can't wait to read your second post
--Aubrii |
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Tanganzinii
ubw newbie
Joined: Aug 08, 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 9:47 am |
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yea thx abril! thats definatley better
its soposed to be a song so yea..
thank you:) |
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