GreyKnight
ubw newbie
Joined: Jun 24, 2006
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sat Jul 01, 2006 12:12 am |
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Well we now got a bass guitarist for Uplift, and started to write a few lyrics. What do you think this took me like an hour.
Your Mine
Too late you choose to change your mind,
You waited too long, your already mine,
Branded for my, nobodies but my own,
Now I'll never ever be alone.
Do you want this, do i give a shit,
I've had plenty but your the hit,
The one i've chosen to be my own,
Now you'll never ever be alone.
I linked our souls together so you can't run,
The disadvantage is, we became one,
Try and kill me and you'll kill yourself too,
The same applies if i f**king kill you.
And now sadness takes me and our end is near,
Would you care if i ended this right here,
Its the end for us both, once and for all,
Im taking you with me, together we'll fall.
And as i drive the blade deep, into me, into us,
And the blood starts to seep, out of me, out of us.
In your dying eyesi see utter hate,
dont wanna come with me? too late,
as the world starts to fade, your finally mine,
and together, forever, just one more line.
And i pull the blade free, from me, from us,
And the last blood drop falls, from me, from us,
And the ground opens up, takes me, takes us,
And down we go, together, forever, your mine!
Obviously has a heavy backin tune \m/ |
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Aubrii
ubw rookie
Joined: Aug 21, 2005
Posts: 151
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| Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 11:36 am |
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I love this. You're a really talented artist. i liked this par the best
"Try and kill me and you'll kill yourself too,
The same applies if i f**king kill you."
it amplifies the emotion in the poem and makes it good.
The only suggestion i have is to change some stuff
"And as i drive the blade deep, into me, into us,
And the blood starts to seep, your hate and my lust "
i donno, i just think there are too many "me and us"s i kind of got tired of reading them. Just a suggestion. Really good work otherwise |
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