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Aubrii
ubw rookie
Joined: Aug 21, 2005
Posts: 151
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| Posted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 12:09 pm |
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These Streets
These streets are whithered without you
Fragile and cold like my heart
Street lights flicker at the silence
Ready to burn out in your absence
These streets will never live again
The presence of color is hidden
Street signs are no longer meaningful
bent and cracked, no readable labels
These streets are old and lonley
dust fills the cracks in their pavement
Rain steals the paint from the surface
No intention of ever replacing it
Constructive crit and comments would be muchappreciated. Thank you
-Aubrii |
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minusme
Site Admin
Joined: Jan 25, 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 3647
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| Posted: Sat Jul 08, 2006 2:33 pm |
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Nice!!
My favorite line is "rain steals the paint from the surface..." That's a great expression.  |
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witcheru
ubw rookie
Joined: Oct 15, 2004
Location: Erie, Pa
Posts: 188
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| Posted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 8:41 am |
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farewell_friends
ubw newbie
Joined: Feb 06, 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 18
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| Posted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 6:33 pm |
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"These streets are whithered without you
Fragile and cold like my heart
Street lights flicker at the silence
Ready to burn out in your absence"
i really like this part, its a really good intoduction and deff. hooks me into the rest of the poem. keep up the good work |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 2:11 am |
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It was all enjoyable, and I can't think of anything to give as criticism. Great job, Aubrii! Later. |
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E2
ubw newbie
Joined: May 20, 2006
Posts: 44
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| Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 4:54 pm |
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this has to one my favs you've done. Can't say anything bad about this one. |
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