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E2
ubw newbie
Joined: May 20, 2006
Posts: 44
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| Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 5:58 pm |
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here's another poem. Like before tell me what you think.
Thinking our love would be forever
You were more like whatever
Your eyes only saw
All my little and big flaws
You tore my heart in two
That day I found out you were unture
I thought you would be here till the end
But you acted like my love was a trend
Now I ready to walk out the door
Becuase I can't turst you any more
Did you truly love me
Or was I to blind I could see
Well that all I have. Tell me what you think, should I add more, less, or change somethings. Hit me up |
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Aubrii
ubw rookie
Joined: Aug 21, 2005
Posts: 151
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| Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 6:16 pm |
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| E2 wrote: | here's another poem. Like before tell me what you think.
Thinking our love would be forever
You were more like whatever
Your eyes only saw
All my little and big flaws
You tore my heart in two
The day I found you were untrue
I thought you would be here till the end
but to you my love was just a trend
Now I'm ready to walk out the door
Becuase I can't trust you any more
Did you truly love me
Or was i just too blind to see
Well that all I have. Tell me what you think, should I add more, less, or change somethings. Hit me up |
hope you don't mind, i edited it a little, just a little. Just tryin to help. Hope you like it
-Aubrii |
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E2
ubw newbie
Joined: May 20, 2006
Posts: 44
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| Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 7:34 pm |
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Yo thanks alot. That sounds much better. Yo if you get time take a look at my other poem. |
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Aubrii
ubw rookie
Joined: Aug 21, 2005
Posts: 151
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| Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 6:27 am |
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i'll take a look at yours if you take a look at mine  no one ever comments on mine |
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abydynge_666
ubw newbie
Joined: Jul 08, 2006
Location: tx
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Sat Jul 08, 2006 2:27 pm |
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WHY LOVE THEE WAY THAT THY WORD FOR SUCH DESTROY MY SIMPLE PEACE THAT A FRIEND ... CURROPTED  |
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