rocker_gal
ubw newbie
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Posts: 28
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 1:45 pm |
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Her icy black heart,
Is full of hate,
She knows of no love,
Only pure cold hate.
A broken smile,
Resides on her face,
A face of pure evil,
A face made of hate.
Her skin icy cold,
Like the ice of her heart,
Nobody knows of
The sorrow she hides.
Her life, short lived,
A life of torture,
The torture she hates,
The symbol of her fate.
She hates her mother,
She hates her father,
She hates the family,
Who have always abused her. |
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Aubrii
ubw rookie
Joined: Aug 21, 2005
Posts: 152
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| Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 5:33 am |
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"Her icy black heart,
Is full of hate,
She knows of no love,
Only pure cold hate. "
you rhymed hate with hate, i think you can be a little more creative. Find something that kind of rhyms, like you did here:
"A broken smile,
Resides on her face,
A face of pure evil,
A face made of hate"
i like this stanza. just change the words in the second line of the first one and this poem will be fine. It'll make the poem flow better and not seem so rhymie, (i'm not even sure taht i spelled rhyme right but w/e)
-Aubrii |
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