rocker_gal
ubw newbie
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Posts: 28
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| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 2:49 am |
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Cold.
Pain, pain,
In my cold black heart.
My love for you,
Is falling apart.
My hate for you,
Is running through my veins.
How I wish you were dead,
I wish I had not seen your face.
You broke my heart,
You ruined my life.
I am no longer yours,
I am free from your pain.
Ill slit your throat,
Ill make you pay.
You broke my heart,
It’s my time to repay.
Steady, steady,
Die in vain,
Your face now twisted
In excruciating pain.
Turn to face me,
Stand up tall,
Oh how I’d love
To see you fall. |
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Aubrii
ubw rookie
Joined: Aug 21, 2005
Posts: 151
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| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 6:10 am |
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| rocker_gal wrote: | Cold.
Ill slit your throat,
Ill make you pay.
You broke my heart,
It’s my time to repay.
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I thik you should change the words a little, because. "pay" and "repay" sound too similar and don't make the poem flow as well. Good work othersise Rocker_Gal. Looking forward to seeing more work from you
-Aubrii |
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