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TAlderson
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 11, 2005
Posts: 68
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| Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 8:37 pm |
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Here's a song I just wrote, it's loosely inspired by a few songs, including the folk song "Peter Emberly," where I got the speaker's name from. Hope you like it.
Ballad of a Dead Man
I am a man, my Christian name
Is Peter Emberly
And before I close my weary eyes
Never again to see
I wish to tell the story of
My short and tragic life
For they say that I’m a murderer
And now I am to die
I grew up as a rambling lad
My parents both were dead
And from the dirty orphanage
I at a young age fled
If I’d an education
I might have gotten by
But instead I got a beating
And now I am to die
I was always cold and hungry
With clothes ragged and torn
And everyone I asked for help
Just looked at me with scorn
If I’da had some money
Drink and food I could buy
But all I had was a switchblade knife
And now I am to die
I’m strapped to a cold table
A needle in my arm
I really didn’t want to
Cause anybody harm
But a man has to do anything
He can to keep alive
I did the only thing I could
And now I am to die
Now listen very closely
To these last words I say
And think twice about not helping
Those you laugh at every day
For the only thing that stands between
Us two men, you and I
Is that you were born with money
And now I am to die
-Tyler |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 2:31 am |
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In general, my opinion of this work, is that it is pretty good... My opinion of the whole last part..., near brilliant, my friend. When you said, "Now listen very closely, to these last words I say," it really kinda' took hold of my attention a lot more. -very nice job on this, and thanks for sharing. I know I enjoyed it.  Later!! |
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SaveYourSoul
ubw newbie
Joined: Nov 10, 2005
Posts: 30
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| Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 8:08 pm |
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holy moses!! well what can i say. I am not a really good crit. person and I dont usually have anything really great to say but this time there is nothing really to crit. The ending is perfect and it has this whole sense of Dark Side of the Moon almost to it. I really dont know what to say but its very good. I think you have found your style of writing . |
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Guitarman152
ubw luminary
Joined: Aug 03, 2005
Location: Hamden, Ct. . . .USA
Posts: 719
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| Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 5:54 pm |
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nice job Tyler, I agree about the last paragragh especially this,
"And think twice about not helping
Those you laugh at every day
For the only thing that stands between
Us two men, you and I
Is that you were born with money
And now I am to die"
very well said and sadly very possibly true......
Peace,
Erick |
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TAlderson
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 11, 2005
Posts: 68
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| Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:16 pm |
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I posted the recording on the song review post.
Enjoy!
-Tyler |
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gunner
ubw luminary
Joined: Jan 30, 2004
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 656
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| Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 8:45 pm |
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Man, for such a young guy you sure do have an old spirit outlook on things!
Great lyrics.....
Gunner |
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free2playhappy32
ubw newbie
Joined: Apr 25, 2006
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 5:36 pm |
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Brilliant, Exellent and nice work, you could give me a few pointers.. GOOD JOB!     |
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