RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 9:54 pm |
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I just finished this one around fifteen minutes ago. It's about how incidents I went through growing up, still mess with how I feel today. Not only is this about feelings coming back, but it's also about how certain situations or objects can bring on those feelings, even when I'm feeling perfectly alright. It's complicated, and not too a big deal right now. So, here it is...
"Trapped in the Vault"
-Rick, "RiCterMan," Strayer, fecit.
I'm here.
I play
connect the dots, with the time-line.
-incidents remembered
so clear,
attached to pain.
-still bothersome, though they were past times.
I cannot recover.
(Chorus):
It feels...
so fresh..., everyday.
I try to forget,
but I just can't
let it rest.
It seems that I'm
trapped inside the vault of time.
(Short Interlude, envisioned)
In here,
I play
freeze tag with thoughts, of the bad times,
but I stay "it" forever.
My tears
from yesterday
never dried up; under my shell they hide.
-A residue of torment.
(Chorus)
(Same Short Interlude repeated)
(Bridge begins, w/these words):
It causes me problems,
and I can hardly bear what I see,
in memories, each time
I go back there.
But time just won't let me go.
It pulls me back down.
I rediscover:
-the origin of wounds.
-hands that inflicted wounds.
-secrets revealed, to cause wounds.
All of these deep wounds
remain open, and grow.
(Chorus)
(Short Interlude envisioned. Shorter than <and different from> the previous ones, and with a more intense sound to it)
It feels...
so sharp... It stays, re-played...
in my head,
where I'm trapped
in the vault,
to tear apart again.
EnD
There's a lot in this one that may not look right, but outside of the usual errors, I should be able to explain certain things, if asked about them. I hope this was interesting. Take care, and have fun.  Later! |
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SaveYourSoul
ubw newbie
Joined: Nov 10, 2005
Posts: 30
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:35 pm |
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I like it, seems like in life we share many of the same problems. I overall like it You envision your songs very well and are a good frontman for a band. I think over time your gonna get very good. Right now though I think its above average but nothing near amazing if you get me. In a year or two I think you will be damn good and make me go oh crap hope my bandmates dont read this cause i am screwed. Its a progress and your on the right track,as many of us here are. |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 1:48 am |
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Lol. -Above average...? I dunno' about that. But thanks much. -Also, if I can somehow gain recognition in a year or two, and your bandmates do read this, at least you've been honest. No lies, no insults, no worries.  Take care. Later! |
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