Imperfect For Me

Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 7:37 pm

I only just finished this set of lyrics a few minutes ago, so there might be some mistakes that I will hopefully pick up before I submit this, but if I miss some, please let me know.
As always criticizms and suggestions are welcome, but I reserve the right to express my perspective Very Happy

Oh and the syllables might not fit in some places, but lines that are short I plan to hold the note until the end of the bar, but ones that are too long please inform me about.
You could even suggest a modification if you wish.

"Imperfect For Me

[Verse 1]
My eyes are hollow and sullied,
My ears are wooden and bloodied
My throat is choked with reprise
My tongue taunts my demise
My life is riddled with lies
I am forsaken in my own eyes

[Verse 2]
My hands are stained from my bloodshed,
My feet are running from recompense unsaid
My flesh is smitten with impurity
My mind is plagued by insecurity
I have no one but myself to blame
I strike out in hatred at the sting of this shame

[Chorus]
Drenched in sin
Yes, I have returned
No prayers of forgiveness
Could take the stain from my skin

You’ve seen how lost I’ve become
And were I in your place,
I wouldn’t waste another day
Sending me the rays of the sun

[Verse 3]
You had repaid your debt
You were free to escape all your regret
You only had to stretch your new wings out
And ascend to a new life
That would consume all your fear,
Extinguish all your doubt

[Verse 4]
I watched as your sin washed away
And you saw that my heart was riddled with decay
I close my eyes and wish for my prayers to be heard
As your glory before me is unfurled
You smiled upon me
And asked that your sins be returned

[Chorus]

[Outro]
And yet you have relinquished your wings
You have called back your sins
So that you can descend to me
And withstand an eternity
Atoning for my impurity

You are imperfect for me"

Thanks for taking the time to have a look.

Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 10:01 pm

-Welcome.

I like the line that says, "And you saw that my heart was riddled with decay." It's nothing I'd consider to be highly incredible, but it's definitely very cool. I view it this way... Someone can write a shitty metaphor (-not that your's was), but if it's interesting to somebody, when they read it, that's all that matters. Anyhow, that line is definitely my favorite that you wrote here. -Very nice job. Take it easy. Later!

Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 6:43 am

Thanks for that, Rick.
I agree; if you can have one line or one thought that moves someone, the song is.... success is too strong a word... how about worth while or worth the effort it took to write.
Yeah.
Thanks again, man.

Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2005 1:02 pm

Hey Rowly, how have you been man? . . I though this was great, I really liked the first 2 verses a lot, I would not change a thing.
My favorite part is :

"My eyes are hollow and sullied,
My ears are wooden and bloodied
My throat is choked with reprise
My tongue taunts my demise
My life is riddled with lies
I am forsaken in my own eyes "

To open up yourself like that is what art is all about . . props man!!

Peace,
Erick . . . .

Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2005 8:32 pm

Very cool lyrics, very deep and heartfelt, I look foward to hearing the whole song with music!

Tammy

Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 3:28 am

Hey Rowly. You're welcome, man.

You said success is too strong a word, but ya' know what? -If you were writing fully with your emotions, and you had hoped others would be able to get an understanding for those feelings, than it is a success. It's a personal success.

Anyway, keep writin' good shtuff. Later!

Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 3:59 am

Thanks, Erick, Tammy and Rick Very Happy

.
I hope to record some music for it in a few weeks when I visit a friend in Sydney.
Rick, I agree.
Thanks everyone.

Imperfect For Me

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