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TAlderson
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 11, 2005
Posts: 68
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| Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 3:15 pm |
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Alright, here's a song I wrote. That's just about all I have to say about it.
"Falling Down"
The door swings open, Daddy comes inside
She can run, but she can't hide
Daddy's been drinking, his hands are in fists
And with his left he gives her a kiss
And she's Falling down
She closes her eyes as she hits the ground
She doesn't cry, doesn't make a sound
She's just Falling down
He comes home one night, she's not there
She's run off, into thin air
She's gone to the city, gone to the lights
She rests in the day, walks the streets at night
And she gets by on what she can
Buys consolation by the gram
Her face is pale, her body thin
As she inhales, takes her medicine in
And she's Falling down
She closes her eyes as she hits the ground
She doesn't cry, doesn't make a sound
She's just Falling down
The moon rises over a darkened sky
On top of the world, she starts to cry
Her eyes are red as she weeps
She takes one last breath and then she leaps... (pause)
And she's Falling down
She closes her eyes before she hits the ground
As the world flies by her all around
She's just Falling down
Not sure of the instrumentation just yet... but thinking of a band instead of my usual folk solo stuff.
-Tyler |
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DamnaNefas
ubw rookie
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 67
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| Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 7:59 pm |
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Intense stuff...really.
I love this poem a lot! Your wording is perfect, and the whole thing is interesting to me. I think this could make an awesome song... |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 11:03 am |
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Tyler.... this is a very talented effort you wrote here. Seriously, man..., I'm just not sure what else to say. It's a topic I've written about, feel strongly about, and it's just better than anything I've tried to write about this subject. Kudos, to ya'! Later! |
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