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DamnaNefas
ubw rookie
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 67
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| Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 6:36 pm |
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Break the skin
Use a thimble
to protect your thumb
Sew me back together
and bring me back to die again.
I am an offal heap of trash
indecent to view at;
Your weak tools
will fix me into a flattering quilt.
Oh, don't worry my friend
I have already absorbed your face
restless at work and
over and over again
I can see the face of a murderer.
But wait-
No foul play
without an even trade
Take this body
for your eyes
And never find
the answer that you're looking for.
If you question
What makes me act the way i do
I could simply answer
that you will never be this way.
Your bitter groans
confirm to my satisfaction
That the devil has cheated you
and, well, this is how he plays.
So sew me back together
and try another day. |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 1:30 pm |
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Hey man. As I mentioned before, I always try to be honest, so don't take this offensively. I just feel that the other poetry threads I've read, by you, already have been better than this. -Not that I'm saying this is horrible or anything. It's just not as good, to me, as the others. However, the whole last stanza is very impressive. In my opinion it's the best stanza in this poem. Good job overall!  Later! |
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DamnaNefas
ubw rookie
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 67
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| Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 4:32 pm |
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Heh. No, That's okay. I'm happy to hear that you think so too, because i didn't think it was that well planned-out either. I quickly assembled this one. Your comments are greatly appreciated. (: |
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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 7:41 am |
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i have to disagree, i really liked this. not sure why but i just did. it was very interesting and different to read, i like yoru style.
anyway keep it up. |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 9:49 am |
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Hey man, I never said I didn't like it. -Just that I liked the others he posted more. So, in all actuality, we are both in agreement.  You best not give me a reputation, or I'll have to make more and more cheesy replies, man. (No offense taken; -just havin' fun.) Later, Chase! |
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