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over-drive
ubw newbie
Joined: May 22, 2005
Location: Rotherham
Posts: 30
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| Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 4:35 pm |
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its me again i wrote this song a few days ago
All my fault
Its all my fault and i know that it is
You would still be here with me
i contemplate suciside toy with the idea
i say ill be just fine but will never be the same again
you where all that i had but i lost you now
like a scare under my skin that will never leave
if i felt like this before u where there for me
but no more your just a fragment of my imagenation now
i would die a million deaths for your worth it
id never look back id never regret it
you where all i would ever need and
untill the day i die i would id stick by you
pitty you didnt feel the same !
i love you, you knew i did so why!
why did you let me linger on thinkin
thinking you felt the same way!!!!
Its all my fault and i know that it is
You would still be here with me
i contemplate suciside toy with the idea
i say ill be just fine but will never be the same again
you where all that i had but i lost you now
like a scare under my skin that will never leave
if i felt like this before u where there for me
but no more your just a fragment of my imagenation now
i thought we where so close but no
would you be there for me when i need you
now i realy worrie if you came back
would we make the same mistakes
i thought we had something better
but you threw it right back at me
there was a day when i could turn to you
losin the feeling i had, i cant help but think
Its all my fault and i know that it is
You would still be here with me
i contemplate suciside toy with the idea
i say ill be just fine but will never be the same again
you where all that i had but i lost you now
like a scare under my skin that will never leave
if i felt like this before u where there for me
but no more your just a fragment of my imagenation now
i know it was me its always my fault
but u make me feel worse by sayin
you ruined it now and rubbin it in
is this realy the end of us forever
how many times iv said im sorry!!
could you ever forgive me
Its all my fault and i know that it is
You would still be here with me
i contemplate suciside toy with the idea
i say ill be just fine but will never be the same again
you where all that i had but i lost you now
like a scare under my skin that will never leave
if i felt like this before u where there for me
but no more your just a fragment of my imagenation now
So what do you think |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 10:03 pm |
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Part of responding to lyrics in this forum is criticism, so don't take offense to this, please.
I enjoyed what you've written, but at the same time, it doesn't seem to be all that you could have written it to be. It's good writing, but if you were to enhance it a little, it could be better. Still, if you're satisfied with it, or it's good vocally, then you shouldn't change a thing. All in all, good job. Keep posting, and take care.  Later! |
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over-drive
ubw newbie
Joined: May 22, 2005
Location: Rotherham
Posts: 30
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| Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 1:45 pm |
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I didnt think it was that bad but i did sorta rush it is there any bit that needs doin imperticular coz you said i need to enhance it, I'll get right on it when you tell me |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 5:01 pm |
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Ya' know what...? I just re-read your lyrics, and when I replied to this, my sleep troubles may have gotten in the way of my comprehension of what I was reading. Still, I didn't think it was bad then, either. I just pretty much made an ass of myself, cause I thought it could be better enhanced. 
So, let me re-write the reply for ya'. In my opinion, they're not perfect (still quite good), and I can't pinpoint why, but they are written very well. I don't need to be a lyrical expert to tell you that the word structure of a song is key when someone else is only reading it. Great job, man!
Also, I hope you're gettin' through this ok. I know how that shit can feel, and how it can seem like the worst possible outcome. If you can, just try to think about how the experience can make you stronger, cause' it always gets better. If I've gotten too personal, I apologize. Later! |
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over-drive
ubw newbie
Joined: May 22, 2005
Location: Rotherham
Posts: 30
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| Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 4:11 pm |
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i know what you mean its like something is missing from it i write about what happens to me a lot of the time, im not all as depressed as i sound but some are how im feeling thanks anyway. Alex |
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smili
moderator
Joined: Sep 11, 2004
Location: Nashville TN
Posts: 1223
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| Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:06 pm |
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I gotta hear it with the music to have an opinion. hard to tell otherwise. imho. smili |
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