"At First Glance"

Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 7:01 pm

This is not about love. Rather, it's about my trust issues. It was finished the Monday before last. Give it a read, and share any thoughts/criticisms at will. Very Happy

"At First Glance"

Yes, I'm shuddering.
-Hesitant and apprehensive,
because of all the possibilities
in the thought of meeting truth
in your offering,
that I may not see through..., at first glance.
Still considering.
Here and now, I'm indecisive,
because of all these instabilities
at the thought of being fooled
by an offering,
and I cannot "come to," at first glance.

(Short Interlude, envisioned)

Tormented.
Setting limits.
Should I accept,
and take the chance?

(Chorus):
-Thoughts are scrambled, and I'm so, aggrevated.
All that I've learned to this point has got me on guard.
I'm frustrated with misconceived hands.
What to do? What to make of your demand?

(Moderately longer Interlude, envisioned)

I am struggling.
-Expectant of an offensive,
because of all the standing memories
like a cloud that's raining soot
on these offerings.
I fear what one might do at next glance.

Tormented.
Setting limits.
Can I trust this,
or will you attack?

(Double Chorus)

(Bridge to Outro, w/words):
<3x>What to do (at first glance?)
What to do(!)?
-So hard to do...

EnD

It's odd. If any of you met me in person, you wouldn't know that I was "scanning" your personality to see whether or not you might be a backstabber, but I would be (-unintentionally).

By the way, when I'm making these posts, I'm usually not feeling as bad as some of the words I type may lead you to believe. For instance, I'm very at ease right now. See... Very Happy

-I'm smilin'. LoL. I Hope some of you enjoyed this. Later!

Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 5:45 pm

Hi RiCterMan, I've been reading your poems/lyrics and you have some good stuff. . . my only criticism IMHO would be that the way you write it as a lyric and describe it by writing (chorus) or (short intrlude), (verse) etc... and this breaks up the flow of the poem for me. this is just my opinion and in no way am I criticizing the your work at all, I think it's very good . . .

Peace,
Erick . . . .

Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 8:25 pm

Thanks, Erick. Smile

The reason for that is only to lessen confusion. So far, you're the only person who's said anything about it, so I won't stop posting that way just yet. But that's not to say I'm misunderstanding your point. As I've said before on here, the internet transforms attitudes of the person typing, by way of perception. So, nothing here is meant to be rude or offend you.

I'm glad you're enjoying the posts, man. Thanks again, and Later!

Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 9:13 pm

cool RiCterMan . . I understand that as far as trying to explain how it will flow in a song, but in my case (being inflicted with ADD) lol. . . I find myself losing focus of what you're trying to convey to us....that's just me and my lack of focus . . . . . .
I ditto your view on perception and absolutely nothing I say is meant in anyway to be rude or offend...Like I said before you write some very good deep stuff and I surely would not want you to change your writing style to suit me. . . .keep up the good work . .

Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 10:05 pm

-Ya' know what? I went to doctors a lot when I was growing up, and they kept testing me for ADD, and basically I was tested back and forth for having it, or for not having it, and they never even came to a conclusion. So, I'm not even sure. I've always gotten distracted by stuff in a similar way that you mentioned, but they only "shrink-wrapped" (-just a cheesy joke Rolling Eyes

) my mind in confusion about the whole thing. -Another reason I mostly hate doctors.

Anyhow, I'm glad you enjoyed this one, and I'll be around the boards. Later!

ubw rookie Joined: Nov 01, 2005 Posts: 67

It's sad how arrogant people can be; I've trusted several who have attempted treason.

I really like this one, it's honest and has a smooth flow.

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 8:45 pm

Thanks, man. But it's not really instances of arrogance in my case. It's been trust betrayed by family, and by a close friend who was basically using me. I'll be around. Later!

"At First Glance"

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