WhyteShadow
ubw newbie
Joined: Oct 06, 2005
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2005 3:28 pm |
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I'm kinda new to this, so any thing you feel you need to say lemme know what's good or bad. Thanx
Guns and Bullets: Conversation
The gun says " they call me Black Eagle,
they take aim and shoot me, to kill people"
The bullet replies, " they call me the present,
and send me to others who will miss their presensce"
"We make a good team" They say at the same time
"Guided laser beams, are what i follow behind
One shot one kill, is my thrill
At will, time will stop from one shot, and their fate is sealed,"
said the ruthless bullet, to the gun who is hot and can't cool it
" they call this here under the chamber "happy" (trigger)
for some reason people pull it when their mad and really unhappy"
says the confused gun, whose new life has just begun,
" I am the keeper of life. i end those who have no more desire to live,
I simply help them out and let them deal with their God who won't forgive,
and I won't forget" says Mr. Eagle
The bullet replies back: " Hollow tip meant to arrange,
peoples body bodies who need rearranged,
A sleak look look of gold, I am before, the guy they call "happy" is pulled
heaven sent, but the devil lent, me the wings of destiny,
I choose this next life i want to end because-a-me,"
as the shell comtinues to speak hostily.
Together they read the killers creed as the bullets get loaded and ready to flee:
" As I lay thee down to sleep,
I take your life and your soul we keep,
though we don't know who you are,
we hold nothing back and leave your loved ones scared,
With no remorse together we fight, take flight,
we held tight, before we are forced to end your life" |
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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2005 9:18 pm |
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theres a lot of good things in there that you have. I really like the concept of the song, its very different and original. the way its writen could use a little tweaking. but non the less a lot of good stuff is in it.
| Quote: | | heaven sent, but the devil lent, me the wings of destiny |
I love that line. i dont no wh,y its jsut amazing
| Quote: | Together they read the killers creed as the bullets get loaded and ready to flee:
" As I lay thee down to sleep,
I take your life and your soul we keep,
though we don't know who you are,
we hold nothing back and leave your loved ones scared,
With no remorse together we fight, take flight,
we held tight, before we are forced to end your life" |
this is also amazing.
keep up the good work and post more soon man. |
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