Two Wrongs (Foetus)

Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 4:47 pm

I wrote these lyrics in April of 04.
Originally entitled Foetus, I have changed it to Two Wrongs, which gives off a feeling of depth to me.
Comments & suggestions are welcome. If you wanna discuss your opinion on the songs topic as to whether you agree or disagree, please don't do it here. This is only my opinion in lyrical form and I know everyone has the right to their own, but this thread is devoted to Lyrics, the structure and flow, so please, no politics.

"Foetus/Two Wrongs

She breathes a heavy sigh
Dries her tears and wonders why
This burden falls upon her
This injustice by another
Who did ignore her rights
And changed her life forever

The pain won't ever go away
The hollowness she feels today
The invasion upon her rights to be
A person who can live freely
She isn't ready to face the change
Her life restricted at such an early age

And so she sadly makes the choice
To deny the world another voice

I have been given this gift of life
To retain this gift I will struggle and strive
My heart beats even as yours does
I can't wait to feel the warmth of love
As I grow inside, you nourish me
Your smiling face I can't wait to see
My developing lungs do not breathe air
But would you deny me my own share?

She cannot bare this stress, not now
She doesn't know where she'd draw the power
She is too young to be a mother
But does one injustice right another?"

1Oct05: Wrote up these outro lyrics today to cover the repetative metal guitar:

"We don’t have to stay the same
We can act upon this shame
There is no-one else to blame
If this world goes down in flames

You don’t choose who can stay
Or whose life to throw away

We don’t have to be this way
Don’t live your lives just for today
Don’t you throw this gift away"

Just forced rhymes (I know). Vocals will have a distortion effect running over them holding the notes and fading/echoing out into the next line.
I like the message in them; not restricted to abortion but including suicide and murder and how we can change. All we need is empathy, not apathy. [/preach] <- LoL!
Sorry if I sound like a 'tard, I'm happy with my achievements, which is rare for me.

Intellectual Property of Optikal Delusion 2004 - The End Of Time

Thanks for reading.

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 10:21 pm

this is really deep... all politics aside like you said...the lyrics are great and you do a really good job of expressing your opinions in song, im definitely not very good at that yet...

Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 4:00 am

Thanks alot, artificialsweetener.
I dunno if I can help you much with the expressing opinions thing, but I just thought of a topic that I had an opinion about and imagined a scene, like out of a movie and just described what I "saw".
LoL, "Video Clip" description:

Stanza 1 -
Camera slowly zooms in on a pretty girl, early teens, sitting on an examining table in a doctors surgery wearing a hospital gown. She's all alone, she's been crying.

Stanza 2 and Bridge lines-
Camera perspective changes to portrait view of her looking at the floor; her eyes are moving, erratically with difficult thoughts slowly culminating to a sad decision.

Stanza 3 -
Scene cuts to darkness with a pulsing glow every few seconds growing quicker and quicker before an egg cell slowly fades in. The rate of development runs at one week per second, so the small cell quickly blossoms into a foetus. The camera slowly zooms in on the foetus' face, right up close to the nearest eye, which opens showing a wide pupil and pure blue iris.

Stanza 4 -
Scene cuts back to the girl, now in loose fitting clothes; the apparel of a depressed and frustrated soul. Camera focuses on her footsteps as she steps off the curb, onto the road and up onto the oppostie side of the street. Camera zooms out, panning up to show the girl's figure dwarfed by a looming abortion clinic.
Fade to black.

And thats how I saw it in my head, so I just wrote mainly the emotive verbs and adjectives; "breathes a heavy sigh". I didn't describe any of the environmnents.

I hope that helps you and others who might read this instead of making me look like a boastful showoff.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

ubw newbie Joined: Aug 25, 2005 Posts: 7

sounded pretty good

Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:35 pm

haha, that is helpful...doesnt make you look like a show-off...thanks for the tips!

ubw rookie Joined: Jun 28, 2005 Posts: 133

haha i think the break down was written better then the song. but the song was really good too.. anyway good work.

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:12 am

LoL, hereafter! That would certainly be an interesting technique, but I'm thinking it would be pretty hard to sing; would be more of a spoken word thing, I reckon, and I'm not real big on them.
Thanks for all your comments.

To bendover_Tame: Interesting site that link went to. I quickly closed it and decided not to be your friend.

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:48 am

hey Rowly . . . those words are deep man ! GREAT JOB! . .

"and so she sadly makes the choice
to deny the world another voice"

. . . deep , dark and real

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 4:37 pm

Thanks, Erick Very Happy

It was weird how this song happened;
In australia in april of 04, it was summer and it was an excruciatingly hot summer night or morning, 3am. I hadn't been able to sleep, so I'd just been laying there, perspiring, when a few lines just came into my head. All I'd been thinking about previously had been: "Damn this damn heat in this damn season" and then I just had these images and had to get up and write them down.
I haven't changed a single word from that time, so I don't know whats going on, lol!

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 1:51 am

Hey man. If you read back on my song-lyrics threads, you'll see that I think very deeply about music, and that when I give opinions on what others have written lyrically, I speak with complete honesty.

So, honestly..., this is a good use of words. I like every line, and I will be reading more of your threads. Also, I use the same technique that you do, many times, when I write lyrics: Imagine the pictures, and then form the wordings based upon those images. I find, as well, that it works quite nicely. Great job, and keep posting. Later!

Call me RiCterMan, or Rick (Either's fine.)

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 4:18 am

Thanks alot Rick!
I hope I don't disappoint Embarassed

I hope to put up a few more lyrics soon.
I'll look for your posts.

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 6:38 am

Welcome. I'll read what I see by you. Smile

Later!

Two Wrongs (Foetus)

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