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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 8:57 pm |
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This is just a sappy song I wrote for my girlfriend because she said and I quote "you write all these pretty words but never for me" so i thought and i thought then i wrote this. i need to revise it soon.
"Jackie"
Your head on my shoulder
My hand on your heart
Breathing in the air we share
Feeling every beat your heart skips
I’ll hold you closer then heaven
And pray that we never fall
Beading together every moment I’ll miss
I’ll wear it around my neck
As I slowly kiss yours
And burn every second into my mind
So I can pause and replay it over
We lay under the sky
But the stars aren’t out tonight
And I don’t care
I’m trapped inside your gaze
I don’t need a star to wish on
You’re already there when I open my eyes
With my heart in yours
Love is a six letter word
And I can spell it with a J
And mean it
This song is for the hopeless romantic
And everything we’ve become to be |
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dagon
ubw rookie
Joined: Feb 12, 2005
Location: glenrothes, UK.
Posts: 199
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| Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2005 11:33 am |
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This is quite good, it is a little sappy as you said, but what the hell if it means something to you.
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 2:07 am |
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This is good, and it doesn't need a lot of revising. That could actually lessen it's quality, if not done correctly. But it has good emotion, and I think every lyricist should put their emotional attachment into the substance of their words. If you could share, I'd be interested in seeing the updated version of this, when you've got it complete. Nice job. Later, Chase! |
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