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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 10:04 pm |
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*EDIT*
I posted an rewritten version below. tell me what one you think is better
I just wrote this one i 10 mins so i need to go back over it and make some changes, but im pretty happy with what turned out on the first try.
"broken boulevard" (original)
The porch light still on
they sit up and wait
for their baby, their little girl
they trusted with me
shattered glass at my feet
tracing her body on the boulevard
under the streetlights as they capture everything
I scream her name as she goes under
covered in her blood I’m dressed my best
I just wanted to hold my girl one last time
her voice plays like music in my head
it echos endlessly as I replay the tape
I’ll drive the hearse as I follow the ambulance
turning my eyes red and my lips fade blue
teasing the trigger, spinning the barrel
I’ll take a thousand bullets
just to catch a glimpse of heaven with you
but you cant shoot a ghost
I died that night
forced to walk down this broken boulevard
without you by my side
*go down for updated version* |
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dagon
ubw rookie
Joined: Feb 12, 2005
Location: glenrothes, UK.
Posts: 199
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| Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 1:29 pm |
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Pretty heavy stuff. Is there any background to it or is it purely imagination?
You gonna put it to music? would love to hear it.
Ive got some lyrics on the site as well, a track I might follow through called Trust. See what you think, its in the lyrics and poetry thread. |
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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:04 pm |
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Im thinking of this for a chorus, im not too sure yet though.
-CHORUS-
I'll play russian rollet for your kiss
And I wont stop until I win
unworn seat belts and worn out breaks
hanging on to the over pass
please grant me this last wish
And I swear we'll make it last |
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artificialsweetener
ubw newbie
Joined: Aug 05, 2005
Location: indiana
Posts: 40
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| Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:22 pm |
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this is intense...i love it, as usual 
| Quote: | under the streetlights as they capture everything
I scream her name as she goes under
covered in her blood I’m dressed my best |
thats good. real good.
but in your new chorus...that line "i'll play russian roulette for your kiss"...well senses fail has a song that says "play russian roulette as we kiss"...i always liked that line...not sure if you've heard that song or if its just a coincidence, but you might not wanna use that line, its up to you...then again, all emo bands pretty much steal each other's lines, so its all good. haha. |
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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 12:08 am |
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haha i cant believe i didnt relize that, i love that song. you like good bands my friend. I'll try and change it, not sure to what though. |
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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 8:18 pm |
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ok i rewrote this and personally i think its way better. its gonna be sung by two people in the chorus and some of the second verse. the way the chorus well work is that both people well be singing at the same time, in case u get confused reading it.
anyway tell me what one u think is better.
"Park Side Drive"
The porch light still on they sit up and wait
For their baby, their little girl they trusted with me
Shattered glass at my feet (No second chances)
Tracing her body on the park side
Under the street lights as they capture everything
I scream her name as she goes under
Covered in her blood (I’m dressed my best)
Why can’t I hold my angel for the last time?
-Chorus-
Spinning the barrel
(Looking down at her face)
Angel pull the trigger
(Through old photographs)
I need you in my arms
(I wish I could take back)
There’s so much I still have to say
(I wish I could take back everything)
Spinning the barrel
(There’s nothing I can say)
Angel pull the trigger
(That will take back what I’ve done)
Her voice plays like music in my head
It echoes endlessly as I replay the tape
And the sound of fallen wings surrounds me
I’ll drive the hearse as I follow the ambulance
Turning my eyes red, my lips fade blue
Teasing the trigger with my finger
I’ll take a thousand bullets
Just to catch a glimpse of heaven with you
I can’t pull the trigger
(I died that night)
Forced to walk this park side
Without you, sweet heart
I’ll pick these roses for you
Before they wither in May
And leave them on the corner
Where I’ll lay with you on this asphalt
as we sleep in our chalk outlines
Under the moon light as it shines through us |
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artificialsweetener
ubw newbie
Joined: Aug 05, 2005
Location: indiana
Posts: 40
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| Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 6:29 pm |
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wow. it was great the first time but its definitely perfect now. thanks again for borrowing my idea and then making it 89739478927349 times better than my song. haha. are you in a band?? if you are, i definitely want to hear your stuff. |
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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 7:54 pm |
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thank youuu for the idea, i appreciate it. haha. at the moment Im bandless but I think I found a new singer and hopefully things get underway soon. |
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