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The_Foreboding
ubw rookie
Joined: Sep 07, 2004
Location: Japan
Posts: 57
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| Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 6:52 pm |
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This is one I've been working on for a few days now and I think it's beginning to come together. Still a few lines here and there I'm not entirely happy with, but any thoughts??
Cheers 
Hand of God
If there really is a God –
And I’m pretty sure there’s not –
He is guiding me,
Watching over me,
Stretches out his Goddish hand
When I stumble and fall.
See the thread that beads up time,
As disparate moments trace a line
From one chance word
To lying naked at your side.
Blind causation it may be,
But it feels like the hand of God.
(Refrain)
Your touch divine upon my skin;
Your kiss a sweet Communion;
The absolution is the act of sin.
We join and Grace comes rushing in.
Let shattered faith be reaffirmed,
Embracing love our other spurned,
And, on cold sheets warmed,
Put some pieces back in place.
And while this can’t last,
For now we touch the hand of God. |
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minusme
Site Admin
Joined: Jan 25, 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 3647
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| Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 8:22 am |
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Very deep Jon!
I think the verse is VERY well developed. The words themselves are very original, and they read well, so they will probably sound great in a song.
I guess the only part I'm getting hung up on is the first line "if there really is a god, and i'm pretty sure there's not" , then you go into what 'god' is doing. I guess mentally I'm just still thinking why do you think he is doing anything if you'r pretty sure he doesn't exist. It's tough for me to follow the message.
Other than that, the rest of it is put together just beautifully!!!
Ron |
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The_Foreboding
ubw rookie
Joined: Sep 07, 2004
Location: Japan
Posts: 57
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| Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 6:13 pm |
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Thanks for reading through that, minusme.
I guess it is a bit confusing. I think what I was trying to get across is that sex can put you in touch with a mystical divine without that necessarily being God. |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:06 am |
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Jon, is it? Hi Jon. I'm Rick, or RiCterMan (either's fine). I'm here to say that I got enjoyment from reading this. It's written well, and I have to add that the title seems perfect, to me. If you read the titles I come up with, I always try to make it as creative-souding as I can, to grab interest. You pretty much pulled mine with "Hand of God". Post more. Later! |
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The_Foreboding
ubw rookie
Joined: Sep 07, 2004
Location: Japan
Posts: 57
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| Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 7:52 am |
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Well, it took me a long time to say thanks to you Rick for your kind comments, and it took me an age to get around to mixing down the song, but it's now up on my page, last track, at the bottom. If anyone has time then please give it a listen.
Thanks all. |
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minusme
Site Admin
Joined: Jan 25, 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 3647
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| Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 8:05 am |
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Just gave it a listen, WOW!!! Very well done and I love the little acoustic melody. Really well done..... |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 8:11 am |
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Welcome.  Later! |
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The_Foreboding
ubw rookie
Joined: Sep 07, 2004
Location: Japan
Posts: 57
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| Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 8:21 am |
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Man, you people are fast! lol Thanks for listening Ron. Appreciate the kind comments. |
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