  |
Message |
amazonblonde
ubw active poster
Joined: Jun 16, 2004
Location: Detroit
Posts: 331
|
| Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 2:10 pm |
 |
maybe you guys can help me out give me constructive critcism. this song is about former fan of last band i had accusing me of breakig up the band when in fact i just wasn't interested in it anylonger.. i write more in poetic format
Your Accusations
Huge clouds of dust thats wiped way
Transformed into pieces of your confusion
You see the outside picture and its painted
oh so pretty for you
Prechous: And you make and you make and you make
Chorus: Make an Accusation
and you don't know what it is like
And all those mismatched pages
Well they are taped and there taped up
Hold on a little bit longer
Bitten nails have only made a delusion
Don't talk me out of decision
I've already made mind up
and know its not easy on you
prechours cause she makes and she makes and she makes
Chorus
Keep in a direction that shes driving to
She'll ride right on through not brightened by the colors
You'll forsee a few months from now
what i really decided to do
Chorus |
|
|
| Back to top |
 |
|
unproject
moderator
Joined: Jul 01, 2004
Location: Turkey
Posts: 2134
|
| Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 2:14 pm |
|
it looks fine to me man. but i am not a english expert you know.
yeah i know this is not constructive feedback... 
cheers |
|
|
| Back to top |
 |
|
amazonblonde
ubw active poster
Joined: Jun 16, 2004
Location: Detroit
Posts: 331
|
| Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 3:48 pm |
|
hey thanks unproject.. anyone else? |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
minusme
Site Admin
Joined: Jan 25, 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 3648
|
| Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 7:00 pm |
|
I love reading lyrics.... Especially when I haven't heard the song yet. I bet the way I hear them in my head is totally different from reality!
These lyrics are very good. You mentioned you write in a poetic style. It is apparent from the lyrics. I personally like lyrics that can stand on their own.
I know you asked for constructive criticism, but I don't see anything that sounds bad. My favorite line is:
| Quote: | Keep in a direction that shes driving to
She'll ride right on through not brightened by the colors
You'll forsee a few months from now
what i really decided to do
|
not brightened by the colors.... That's a great line...
Ron |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
amazonblonde
ubw active poster
Joined: Jun 16, 2004
Location: Detroit
Posts: 331
|
| Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 9:48 am |
|
well i'm a member of Taxi (http://www.taxi.com) and i submitted this osong with the band that is before we got our new drummer and they said rhymtically it sounds a little off i think thats because our old drummer didnt' use a click track.. they the critquer said he didn't know what hte song was about.. but i dont necessarily like writing really simple you know what i mean? i like a person to take the lyrics and realte them to something in their life.. maybe it was just one opinion..what do you think? |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
minusme
Site Admin
Joined: Jan 25, 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 3648
|
| Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 5:40 pm |
|
| amazonblonde wrote: | | well i'm a member of Taxi (http://www.taxi.com) and i submitted this osong with the band that is before we got our new drummer and they said rhymtically it sounds a little off i think thats because our old drummer didnt' use a click track.. they the critquer said he didn't know what hte song was about.. but i dont necessarily like writing really simple you know what i mean? i like a person to take the lyrics and realte them to something in their life.. maybe it was just one opinion..what do you think? |
Since I haven't heard the song I'm not sure about the music part, but as for the lyrics, I think they're good! Besides a critique on art is only valuable to the person doing the critique because everyone's perception is different. It's great to get feedback, but I wouldn't let any review really bug me.
Ron |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
rechat
moderator
Joined: Feb 06, 2004
Location: California
Posts: 508
|
| Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 5:44 pm |
|
I like the lyrics quite a bit. I agree with taking lyrics and applying them to your own life. I seem to enjoy that quite a bit more than being told what the song is about. |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
amazonblonde
ubw active poster
Joined: Jun 16, 2004
Location: Detroit
Posts: 331
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 9:27 am |
|
Ok cool guys..thanks for the input.. that song in on mp3's under Ab jams
http://www.amazonblondedetroit.com
take a listen if you get a chance.. we are redoing all the songs with our new drummer thanks |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Guest
|
| Posted: Sun Aug 08, 2004 2:55 pm |
|
dig your lyrics.seem pretty inteligent.here are the lyrics for one of my tunes called "snooky's lounge" verse1:friday night :ill be waiting there:maby too:you will be sitting there:when the rhythem and blues:start playing away:makng the hours seem like days:verse2:only the fools :are the last to know:that win or loose:theres still time to be one:for there's a place:you can always go:to hang your hat:or mend your heart:(bridge)not a moment:is there for you to waste::the hands of time:move like falling rain:in the end:you can wave it all away:bring on a brand new day:vers3:in this room:of forgotten dreams:for no one knows :what tomorrow brings:but theres no need;to woory about a thing:so tip your glass towards the sun:verse4:monday blues:aint all far behind;but soon you will see:what we have come to find:that through this maze:you never walk away:from what you had or what you gained:  |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
don boston
Guest
|
| Posted: Sun Aug 08, 2004 2:57 pm |
|
on my post i forgot to post my name or log in."snooky's lounge 'is one of my tunes on this site .cheers! don boston |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
amazonblonde
ubw active poster
Joined: Jun 16, 2004
Location: Detroit
Posts: 331
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 9:19 am |
|
Cool. i like it.. like that part hang your hat or mend your heart |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
