If this is love.... (what's hate?)

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 10:48 am

I don't know what to make of these lyrics personally. They're personal... yes; but I don't know.

I do however realy like the chorde sequence I wrote to go with it. Meh. Let me know what you all think.

Look into your eyes,
that's where your beauty lies,
Oceans Which I,
could quite happily drown in,
Reminds me of,
a dark place that I hated once,
But I would go back,
if you asked me to,

walk alone into the dark night,
Drown your fears in shallow moonlight,
Lift the sky and stop the spinning,
earth,

A smile etched,
deep into your face,
Falling apart,
from the battle with time,
Your smile tells,
the story of your life,
But your eyes tell,
a different nightmare,

walk alone into the dark night,
Drown your fears in shallow moonlight,
Lift the sky and stop the spinning,
earth,

broken dreams of beauty cry out,
empty words fly out of my mouth,
nothing hurts when hurting feels this,
good,

walk alone into the dark night,
Drown your fears in shallow moonlight,
Lift the sky and stop the spinning,
earth,

walk with me into a new life,
Drown the past the future's so right,
Lift your head and stop the endless,
hurt,

ubw newbie Joined: Aug 09, 2005 Posts: 9

Excuse me while I fight back demons....

That was real nerve driving stuff. Impressed.

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 3:07 pm

this is awesome...i love the whole thin line between love and hate theme...its something everyone i think can relate to, at least i can...and its extremely well written...i especially like the very last line..."nothing hurts when hurting feels this good"...i love it!!! Very Happy

Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 2:29 am

Holy Shizzle-ism! You're back! Smile

(Hmm... My apologies for whatever that was.)

-Glad to see another song by you, Tom. Unless I've overlooked any, It's been a while. So, I hope it's the start of another period of writing for ya'. This is, as usual, very cool. I know if you and I were both rappers, I'd try not to get into a "freestyle battle" with you. I think I would have a good chance of losing.

Anyway, I've got to scurry out of the thread, cause' I have a "to-do" list to take care of. Later, Tom!

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:53 am

Just a little thing...

I was thinking about replacing the line 'empty words fly out of my mouth' with 'take the words right out of my mouth'.

I think it works better towards the feeling of the song... but I'm not sure if it's worth messing up the word association I through in with the bridge (broken,empty,nothing).

What y'all think?

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 1:08 pm

Your lyrics is good but your music is shit.No Offence

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 6:12 am

Bullet, not to be a d*ck, or anything, but that's really only your opinion, and saying that the way that you did could be seen as offensive, even though you said, "no offense." I haven't heard his music, but he says when they play live that they get good reception, so it can't be that bad.

Tom, there are ways to change that line still using the word empty. It would be a little difficult, but I think you could handle the challenge of it. If you try, and you can't come up with anything (I doubt that), at least you would be giving a good effort. But honestly, I think it looks great this way, and it's up to you, in the end. Later!

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 8:40 am

i could post you one of his music.

http://www.Myspace.com/blacksound

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 8:50 am

Bullet,

You need to make sure your feedback is constructive. We are trying to help people build and develop themselves here, not tear them down.

For example: "Your music is shit" (Nothing constructive to take from that, so why say it?)

Now if you had said: "Your guitar is out of tune, the tempo was off, and your vocals are out of key"

At least with the second you are offering specific issues that you feel need to be worked on. "Your music is shit" is offensive, regardless of whether it's true or not. Please keep this point in mind when giving feedback. Thanks!

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:36 am

Fine you need to sing better make your music more clearer so we could know what your acturely singing.tune up your guiter.redo all your music.

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 3:28 pm

thanks ron... but I realy couldn't care less what he thinks.

He is entitled to his opinion... and his is not one which I particularly value in any way. If I was nasty I would tell him that I thought all his lyrics were 'shit'... but I think I will stick to saying nothing at all.

Bullet; The guitar is completely in tune. Yes the vocals are a bit shitty... partly because alot of the recordings we have up here were recorded on the second run through of the song... partly because my voice was not upto the task on the day. We are re-recording all the songs in a few weeks when I can afford the neccessary equipment; but when we do I would appreciate it if you didn't leave any feedback. I feel wierd taking constructive critism from someone with no grasp of grammar.

I look forward to hearing some of your music though... I'm sure it will be great [/sarcasm]

If this is love.... (what's hate?)

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