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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 4:28 pm |
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ok this one isnt exactly finished but i thought id get some opinoins before i kept going, i need to no if its worthy of being finished. oh and if u have an idea for a title, let me hear it.
This last open mouth kiss
The only thing that saves
me from asphyxiation
such a crucial kiss
means everything
and the after math is
starving everyone
now your left with
the black and white memories
played out of order
and Im left with your
silowets traced on my wall
and your perfume
branded on my pillow
your eyes have never
looked so beautiful
in the shade of red
and your tears mocking
everyword I ever said
*EDIT* (ok this is the last verse i came up with, i might use it as the chorus im not to sure yet)
I hate the way you smile
and the way I like it
Im fighting with saints and demons
on my shoulders
and we mask our pain with sex
and the awkward mornings |
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artificialsweetener
ubw newbie
Joined: Aug 05, 2005
Location: indiana
Posts: 40
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| Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 5:16 pm |
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i love it so far!! definitely worth being finished!! seriously, every word is great. as far as titles, i'm probably the worst person in the world at coming up with creative ones, but i'll let you know if i think of anything. |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 12:54 am |
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Hmm... -Don't know what I'd say about any possible title in mind. I just don't have anything for ya', as far as that goes. But the song is really cool. I think you should edit this post when you finish the song, and give us an updated version of it. Nive job! |
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