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Cerebellus
ubw newbie
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 4:13 am |
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Got some good ideas here, but it's all very wordy:
Well the lonely only travel alone
to the beat
of the droning heat
and the traffic on a city street
the complications of your invitation
so apparent to them
they'll give no confirmation
and they mark off the days
and the weeks
on the walls
in their basements
And the preacher healed me
over the phone
for a five dollar contribution
some religious institution
I can't for the life of me
remember what the name of it was
and I broke down in the morning
underneath the weight of the world
and the face of a girl
it was clear from the start
we were falling apart
I know
I know
So though...
...so though your lips were sealed
your eyes shut tight
for far too long in your life
but in between now and then
these words will stick
like a knife
in your side
you can't hang on
to your pride
in the face of what has happened
what cannot be denied
so we're left with your moral decay
and the excuses you made
but in between now and then
I can barely get paid
for calamities
rendered between you and me
rendered between me and you
the lesson learned
from what I been through
carry on
until the break of the dawn
and we're gone
Let me know what you think... |
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hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 9:13 pm |
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this is very very good, i enjoyed every bit of it. Id tell you my favorite part but I cant, i liked it all. I look forward to reading more of your stuff. keep it up. |
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artificialsweetener
ubw newbie
Joined: Aug 05, 2005
Location: indiana
Posts: 40
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| Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 4:08 pm |
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wow. just wow. i love this. great work. my favorite part is definitely the 2nd verse, but the whole thing is awesome  |
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Bullet41
ubw rookie
Joined: May 22, 2005
Location: Bracknell
Posts: 120
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| Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 2:54 am |
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