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TalkieLava
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Joined: Apr 24, 2005

Posts: 7

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 7:08 pm Reply with quote

No one here could ever try.....and stop
The imagine portrayed in a visual thought

Sentences that form from the feelings of freaks
Real artists that paint with a canvas to speak

The road less traveled with a an occupied sign
Why on earth did I have to follow such a screwed up line

Did you get the picture it spoke of a thousand words?
The diary of a loose cannon raised in the burbs

Women always look at me but can't find the connection
Iím defiantly not ugly so itís not that kind of rejection

My fortunes include my family and friends
Iím worth more then a billion but I have nothing to spend

When you figure out the meaning of life...Share it with me
People slander races to quick and often carelessly

I got S*** to do so Iím gonna start to make some sense
Don't buy the wood if you can't build the fence


Peace to the board

Talkie
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Bullet41
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Joined: May 22, 2005
Location: Bracknell
Posts: 118

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 6:24 am Reply with quote

Nice song this song reminds me on how i feel right now.nice song keep it up.
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Bullet41
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Joined: May 22, 2005
Location: Bracknell
Posts: 118

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 6:35 am Reply with quote

I recon you should read one of my songs and see what you think.Hear are some songs you should read.Insect"","Insect pt2",Memorys from the past,London Bomb,Chronicles of life and dead,Brother,the king of darkness,hello.
And see what you think about them.
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RiCterMan
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Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 734

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 4:13 am Reply with quote

Hey,

This is very cool. I'm thinking that it's a poem, but I could be wrong. (Am I?) Either way, it's very interesting to read. Great job! Cheers!

RiCterMan
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sixtysecondminute
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Joined: May 27, 2005
Location: Solihull, UK
Posts: 186

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 4:57 am Reply with quote

I don't care much for rhyming couplets.

It's not bad though Smile
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TalkieLava
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Joined: Apr 24, 2005

Posts: 7

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 1:44 pm Reply with quote

Thanks guys for the constructive criticism. I think my poem/lyrics are great. If you have any formulas to share on writing please expand(especailly "the blacks")


Peace Talkie
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RiCterMan
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Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 734

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 10:36 pm Reply with quote

Formulas, you ask for? Hmm... Well, I wouldn't say there are really set formulas. When I write, I tend to just write, and if I think something should rhyme somewhere, I rhyme the lines together. I also try to put some good substance into anything I write, whether it be song lyrics, poetry, or short stories.

The main formula that I think should be followed by any writer, is to write from your heart and soul. Write what your emotions tell you to write, and never write just what others want to read/hear. Other than that, I don't know...

I was just about to end this reply, but I thought of one more thing. I just said, that I usually just sit and write, and an add-on to that would be that you shouldn't plan out what you're writing, too deeply. The exception is stories/books, but when you're writing poetry or lyrics, there should be very little planning of format. If every song/poem had the same rhyme scheme, for instance, that would get old quickly. But as long as the writing isn't so jumbled that there is no possible way it could sound decent (when sung or recited), or even be read without (major) confusion, then there should be no strict guidelines. It's all about emotions.

I know that was lengthy, but I hope it was still useful. Cheers, Talkie!

RiCterMan
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