RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 5:29 am |
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Hey Guys,
This is the last song until sometime very late tonight (overnight). When I wrote it I was aiming at using more, and better, symbolism/medaphors/imagery, because that challenge was presented to me, by a UBW member's response to one of my lyrical posts. It wasn't due to a "I'll show him/her" way of thinking. I'm not one to dwell, and the response was only a helpful one.
This one was my latest, but then about an hour later, I got off of here to restart my computer, and ended up getting a new idea. So, it's not the newest one, but I may post the other sometime in the overnight, tonight. Try to enjoy what I call, "Hard to Swallow".
"Hard to Swallow"
Have you ever tried to
swallow a whole tub of sour cream?
I've gagged on that before.
-And what about bag fulls
of rotten jelly-beans,
fed to you off of a dirty floor?
(Chorus):
I'm not sure that I
can digest anymore.
My stomach walls are wearing away...
I'm choking on saw dust,
just to breathe in terpentine.
It's all intentional.
They keep feeding me,
and I know of the box they're building.
Would you like to
endulge in a paste of pepper and powdered limburger cheese?
it has a nasty flavor.
I've finished off plate-fulls
of jalepeinos, doused in hot sauce,
served with a tall glass of vinegar.
(Chorus)
(Bridge):
Those putrid non-edibles
are in the past.
But the taste remains.
It hasn't gone away quite yet.
I don't know why I'm alive
after all that I've been fed.
I don't know when
I'll taste the flavor.
-the one that will erase, the remnants
of the tastes
that almost closed my airways.
Now, I need a new taste,
that is savory...
-one that will satisfy.
I know that there could be a time
when I'm eating sh*t again,
and I'm not sure-
(altered Chorus):
I'm not sure that I
can digest what I did before.
My stomach walls are somewhat worn away.
I choked on the saw dust.
I almost died from terpentine.
It was intentional,
eveytime they fed me.
But that box that they were building;
They'll never get it back.
It lies unfinished, and hidden,
(unfinished and hidden, hidden,)
in my attic. -my symbol of old pain.
EnD
You are the people who can tell me if I lived up the the challenge I attempted, in writing this. Of course', I didn't write it, by writing solely for that challenge. I wrote these lyrics about something that I was compelled to (as always), and years from now I highly doubt I will look at the words to this piece, and think, "Oh yeah, that's the song I wrote because of a challenge." It's based on past troubles, and that is the strongest reason I wrote the song; it's really the only reason. Any change that would be considered improvement in my wordings would only be known to those who are reading my lyrics, in these posts. What people who read/hear it offline, will get from it, is a basic idea that the song is about some kind of predicament. They won't know that I was attempting to increase my writing skills, because though it was a goal, that is not the main goal of this song. So, tell me how I did, either in general, or in regards to possible improvement you may have noticed. Thanks, and thanks again.
Cheers, and a smile, to All!
RiCterMan |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 9:25 pm |
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Thanks, man. The first verse was probably the one with the least thought put into it, but it turned out good enough for what I felt should be there.
Also, I don't take honest criticism the wrong way, and I knew the first time I read your reply, that it wasn't meant to offend. I think I said this in a reply to your criticisms already, but I'm not sure: I really do appreciate that you were honest. Cheers!
RiCterMan |
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