"Stranded" (old song)

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 12:16 am

Hello, hello...,

I feel slightly pathetic. I said I was taking a break, yet here I am again, posting more lyrics. No, that was a joke. I noticed that Tom posts a lot of song lyrics on here, almost daily, and that no one seems to complain. Maybe I could have the same luck...(?)

Anyway, This song is an older one, from about ten months to a year ago, and the general symbolism of it is meant to show someone walking down a path that is dark and dreary, searching, as well as hoping, for a bright and more appealing one. Take what you will from it.

"Stranded"

Walking down Shadow
Street again.
-A road I've been down before.
Looking for my, destina- tion...
Sunset Boulevard...
somewhere I...

(Pre-Chor.):
-long to be.
-There...
on Sunset Boulevard...

(Chorus):
Bring me a new day,
where I can run along
without this
giant boulder
on top of my shoulder,
weighing me down...,
today.

Followed by shadows,
and the street signs.
They all look so familiar.
Looking, for the end of shadow street;
Searching for Sunset Boulevard.
That's where I...

(Pre-Chor.)

(Chorus runs through 3 times)

Bring me a new day (repeat 3 times)
on Sunset Boulevard...

EnD

Did I mention I found it? Ok, that sounded like bragging. If I was, it was slight.

This song was the first one that wasn't written without music, though I was still bandless. I used the Guitar-Tab creation program on my computer, called TabIt, and I ended up creating a tab that inspired the lyrics, and their tune. Honestly, if you heard me sing this song, you'd see that it sounds much different than my usual sound. After the lyrics were finished, and I sang the whole song I thought, "This sounds very similar to the sound Steve Perry had when he created tunes for his lyrics, whether it was in Journey, or just solo. Steve Perry was an amazing singer. It's too bad I wasn't born before the time when Journey was at their best, and he was still in the band. See, I was born in 84'. I want to be, like Steve! -not really, guys...

Cheers, and a smile, All!

RiCterMan

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 1:58 am

I've read quite a few of your lyrics and I can't for the life of me work out why you keep putting them up here.

Firstly, without music 90% of song lyrics are not worth reading. The are not poetry and don't stand up to scrutiny on their own.

I was actually having this conversation with some friends the other day. We were listening to that old motown song "War" (huh what is it good for? Absolutely nothing") and the song is great but when you see the lyrics written down they are absolutely shite.

Sorry to be so hard but just reading your lyrics they are flat, uninteresting, not very lyrical or poetic, lack imagery, lack metaphor, lack subtlety. I've got loads of bad 'poetry' that is just as bad that I wrote when I was 14-15 years old. Hey, most of my lyrics are no better when just read on a page but I hope that they convey something as a package with the music and the way it is sung given more meaning than the words themselves can conjure.

And we are in good company... consider how shit most song lyrics are that get into the top of the charts (mmm bop!, hit me baby one more time, "I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ah")

Having said this, if you find someone to put these to music with I might be singing along to them with millions of others.

There is a saying that I learnt when I did my creative writing degree which is "Show don't tell" which means don't be so didactic just hint at things. (Like don't say Tom felt like being nasty person", just write what he's doing and let the reader work out that tom is nasty. A lot of your lyrics basically just tell everything. But again, that's fine if the music carries them. You need to get a guitar or a band and turn these words into something more.

I know this is really harsh but I'm in a bad mood at work.....

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 2:39 am

It's not harsh at all. I applaud your honesty, and I'm not offended. I understand how you could feel this way, because you're right; there's no instrumental music, and that makes the lyrics as songs, very vague. See, I call them songs, but basically I'm using the term, song, to describe the way all these lyrics are heard when I visualize them to music, in my mind. I do understand that, for now, they are only lyrics.

As far as you saying that you "hope they convey something as a package with the music and the way it is sung given more meaning than the words themselves can conjure," I am very confident that they will, as long as I can find some talented musicians. I badly crave to be part of a band, but the truth is that I have no chance currently, because I don't have a P.A. system, and money is very low.

You may be surprised by what I'm about to say, but seriously, this is some very good criticism, that you replied with. On top of it being very, very honest, you have a creative writing degree, so your analysis defeats what, otherwise, would just be general opinion. I never "kiss ass", so it's the truth when I say I appreciate your comments. I say that, even though I can't stand Hanson, or the Spice Girls, and the music both groups put out. I just take all comments in stride.

The reason I keep posting all these songs is because I want to hear anything that people who read them have to say about my words. The good, bad (but not cruel), and anything else you guys have to say. If you defined what I look for in feedback, I look for constructive criticisms, thoughts or feelings that may ocurr when someone is reading, or other more general comments on whether someone enjoyed or didn't enjoy what I wrote. On the opposite side of that, bashing of any kind, is never welcome. Your comment here, most likely would anger others, but I feel that it is not meant to bash.

Lastly, you'll find I try to be very kind, almost always. I said that, because I wanted to say I'm sorry you were in a bad mood, when you responded Wink

. Thank you, and Cheers!

RiCterMan

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:38 am

Definitely not trying to attack you. I don't post my own lyrics here because I know that they don't stand up by themselves.

I would gladly put up some of my poetry as I know it to be okay and have had enough of it published in literary magazines and websites, won a couple of writing awards etc. But lyrics... nah, I know I'm not Bob Dylan...

Here's one of my songs though so anyone can criticise. It's about the birth of my son.:

You were born with your hand across your eyes
We walked home and held you to the sky
That cold morning revealed our breaths
We were blessed.... blessed

And I can't think of anything to say
but hello and welcome to the show

I'm struck, I'm hit
I'm struck completely dumb.

I can stare for hours at you
Like a vaudeville show
or a new tattoo

I never thought I was the Father kind
but...

I'm struck, I'm hit
I'm struck completely dumb.

I wish I could give you
so much more
I want to give you
the key to it all
But I can't think of anything to say
Hello and welcome to the show

I'm struck, I'm hit
I'm struck completely dumb.

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 4:20 am

You're right; you're not Dylan, but I'm a little confused. I liked those lyrics a lot, and I don't think you have to be a great writer to post songs on here. Therefore, I don't see why you wouldn't. I've always had the idea in mind, that for every child I have (if I do), I want to write a song personalized to them. It's very cool that you did the same thing that I am hoping to do someday.

Also, Kudos on all of your writing achievements. I used to be very big into writing poems, way before I started to write lyrics, and I was published in a poetry anthology once. I didn't really care to try getting my poetry published again, but I'm glad that it happened when I did make the attempt. Also, I still love to read poetry, so I'll search your username to check out more of your poetry.

But Man, seriously... You should post some more of your lyrics, unless you're very adamant against doing so. If they're of the same quality of this song (or not), I'd like to read more of them, and I think others on here would feel the same way.
Cheers, you!

RiCterMan

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 2:13 am

hey, you won't find anything by searching the username... I used to use a different name....

you can check out some writing here:
http://www.abctales.com/Members/nucleardreams/view?searchterm=nucleardreams

Cheers

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 7:55 am

Cool by me. I'll check that out, sometime soon. Until later, Cheers, to you!

RiCterMan

"Stranded" (old song)

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