"Dark Pine Carpentry"

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 4:59 am

Hey All,

This song is a very personal one. It's directed towards somebody I care a lot about, and centered around a suggestion to her, from me, to be more cautious while trying to have a good time. I don't wanna' go too in depth about it, because it makes me sad, and angry, to know what could possibly happen to her in the future.
It's titled, "Dark Pine Carpentry", and the reason is that I'm afraid if this person doesn't use more caution, she is going to end up causing her own death. The line in this song that says, "You could build your own coffin.", is intended to indirectly state that idea. So, give it a read, and enjoy...

"Dark Pine Carpentry"

I have a suggestion
that I'd like to offer,
to you...
Use increased caution
when you're out there,
attempting to have fun.

(Pre-Chor. #1):
It's cool to let loose,
as long as you don't risk unraveling,
cause' if you come apart
it might just be permanent.

(Chorus):
You're alright, for now.
But I don't ever wanna' see you drowning
in a strong, flowing, current,
that could pull you down too low.
Sure, I'd jump in after you,
but some depths drop too far down
to be reached without a submarine.
If that's where you end up
then your lungs...
will fill, to the top.

So, hear my suggestion,
and really consider
it too...
You could build your own coffin,
and be unaware
until it's all said and done.

(Pre-Chor. #2):
So be cool, let loose,
and promise you won't risk unraveling,
cause' if you come apart,
I won't come apart like that. I'll drop...

(2nd run through Chorus)

(Bridge):
Now you're caught inside.
You think you're safe within.
Your safety is lessening
with every moment, and you don't get it.-

(Momentary Pause in music after Bridge, preceeding the Outro)

If you unravel...
I won't.
If you come,
apart.....

If you unravel
I won't.
If you come apart,
I won't come apart,
like that...
I'll drop and shatter.
If that matters at all, to you...
Then, you should tone it all-
down..............

EnD

Alright. I'll post one more, and start the break (1 week), again. Afterwards, I'll just keep gradually posting some of what I've written recently, along with some future ones, if I prefer to post something that's newer than these ones. Anyone under, and around, the age of sixteen should try to hear the message that I'm sending out with these words. Don't increase the chance of being killed (by your actions), because you were trying to feel good. Just imagine how family would feel about that kind of loss, and you'll likely understand why I suggested this to one of my loved ones. If she were to end up dead..., I don't know how much respect I could have for her after that.
Sorry if this brought you down, but if it did, there's a much more uplifting song I wrote, which I am going to post as soon as I restart this piece of shizite.

Cheers, and a smile, All...,

RiCterMan

Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 6:54 am

I've had similar experiences with people from my past, so I can appreciate where you're going with these lyrics.

I really like in the chorus, the way you describe this person 'falling'.

ubw rookie Joined: Jun 28, 2005 Posts: 133

I must say I really liek the title of the song but honestly I dont care much for the song. Im sure teh meaning and emotion behind it make it strong and good but reading it the words are just to blah. there too straight forward for the most part. use more images/symbolism/metaphors. I like your songs but most of them are liek this. try saying something without actually saying it straight out.
like you did with this line "You could build your own coffin"

overall good work though

Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 6:00 am

hereafter,

I just wanna' explain somethin' briefly. First, just know that I'm not getting defensive on you, or anything. What I want to tell you is this: This song has many medaphors, symbolism, etc., that couldn't be seen by many people, besides me and those I've discussed the song meaning with in greater detail. One example of this is the bridge; It's referring to a bottle. The specific "activity" I'm talking about the person doing, in this song, is drinking, and that is the reason for that symbolism. It's not alcoholism yet, but the way it seems, it could easily lead to a severe case of that. The reason I hid a lot of the abstract parts of this song is only because I get kinda' depressed when I think of what could happen to this person, so I preferred to sort of cover it up a lot more than usual. In other songs, some of the lack of better imagery is also due to the development of my writing ability, but I feel that if I had a band right now, and these took more form as actual songs, the lyrics would be decent enough to use.

The last thing I'd like to tell you is I appreciate that you liked the title, because it took me forty five minutes to come up with, give or take 7-10 minutes.

Ron,

Thank you, as always. I'm glad that you and the people on the boards give kind and helpful insight.

Cheers, cheers, and whatever you like!

RiCterMan

ubw rookie Joined: Jun 28, 2005 Posts: 133

Im not being mean or anything but everyone here seems to be to kind. and how is some one saying good job helpful insight. they probably dont even really like it their just kissing your ass

Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 11:22 pm

Well, I appreciate your kindess, as well as you being slightly straight-forward, but I will say this. I don't want anybody here who responds to my song lyrics to kiss my ass, because the truth of the matter is that I want honest feedback. If they enjoy my lyrics to that point (not saying it's certain), they should still post honest feedback, no matter what they feel. If I misunderstood anything you said there, let me know. On top of all that, I've got nothin' but peace for ya, man. Cheers!

RiCterMan

"Dark Pine Carpentry"

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