hereafter
ubw rookie
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
Posts: 133
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 9:08 pm |
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This one I wrote during english class awhile ago and just found it recently while i was emptying my binder. Im pretty happy with it but for some reason I feel like it could use more work.
Free Fall
(chorus)
You use to make my world go round
Now we’re crashing and burning
Inhaling the night as our hearts free fall
Choking on the stars we once wished upon
Now we’re crashing and burning
We’re crashing and burning
Bleeding from the envy I don’t have for you
Throw away these broken hearts we never use
Sewing up these feelings I use to have
I once walked head over heals for you
Wasted on the floor made up of torn photos
Remembering nothing but the lies
We use to share
Remembering the beauty in your eyes
You use to care
-Chorus-
I’m lost in this hollow heart carved out by you
Hanging on to what we’ve got left
You left me here drowning in my sorrow
Incased alive in these feelings turned to stone
I couldn’t break free, but trust me I tried
-Chorus-
You once made my world go round
Now we’re crashing and burning
Inhaling the night as our hearts free fall
Choking on the stars we once wished upon
I’ve already hit the bottom
We’ve already hit the bottom |
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sixtysecondminute
ubw rookie
Joined: May 27, 2005
Location: Solihull, UK
Posts: 186
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| Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 5:15 am |
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I realy like it. You do a great job with the use of vocabulary.
The best line is most probably "Choking on the stars we once wished upon"
Just a pointer (grammar)... you say "use to have" alot; I'm not sure about America... but in our country it would be "used to have".
Anyway. Great work.  |
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