acmack2005
ubw newbie
Joined: Jul 05, 2005
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 3:40 pm |
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Please tell me what you think cheers
[U]Verse 1[/U]
Time,Time can be so unkind,
Witing for you,in this little heart of mine,
But i can't expect you to come to me,
I gotta move forward to make you see,
I've got feelings for you,I'm uncontrollably
In love with you,it's taking over me.
[U]Chorus[/U]
If there's one thing that makes me happy,it's you
Tell me two things to do,I'd do 'em with you
Give me three words to say i'd say 'em to you
"I.Love.You." (I love you)
But..
I can't tell you that i love you
But then i think i'd be foolish not to
Just don't know what to do when i'm around you
Should i tell you ? (tell you)
Who on earth made love this hard ?
These feelings I have go way beyond my heart
Every part of me wants to tell you that i love you
I just don't know how to say it.
Chorusx2
You're the only one i want boy
I'd do anything to say these three things to you,
But right now i can't,I don't know
why,maybe i'm scared of the
rejection,but either way my
heart,my mind,oh my whole damn body can't take it inside,
I need to make my feelings
clear to you at least.
(Oh my gosh,What will i do?
How do i say these three things to you?
How damn hard can it be...??)
I.LOVE.YOU!!
thanks for takin' a look plz tell me wat u think ac xxxxx |
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sixtysecondminute
ubw rookie
Joined: May 27, 2005
Location: Solihull, UK
Posts: 186
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| Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 4:18 pm |
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I like it, apart from the line "Oh my gosh, what will I do" |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 11:58 pm |
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It needs a little work, but it's not bad, or anything. I would agree with Tom about that one line though. Maybe alter it, but still keep the meaning the same. That's what I usually do if I feel like one of the lines I've written isn't as good as it could be, if kept. Still, like I said before, it's not bad. Cheers!
RiCterMan |
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