"The Rescue" (this is anti-domestic violence)

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 10:46 pm

Hey All,

This song is my latest, and it's got a strong emotional attachment, though the actual events the lyrics talk about never ocurred with me around (they're fictional, but based on truth), and I haven't really met any girls, that I grew close to, who were physically abused by a cowardly "man." I just seem to get a little insane when I think about the whole idea of any man harming a woman. So, here it is. Let me know your thoughts/feelings...

"The Rescue"

I met a psycho at the motel today.
She was lookin' kind of hot
when I saw her shiny knife.
I walked up to her,
said, "Put down the knife and come with me.
Let's go celebrate, the way you move,
so gracefully."

She looked at me,
and shed a tear.
She looked around;
the coast was clear.
Then, she asked if I'd ever tell a lie.
Up close, I saw that she was fragile,
but I told her no, and asked her, "Why?"

(Pre-Chor. used only once):
She hesitated,
and then simply stated,
"My boyfriend told me that I was a wh*re again."

(Chorus):
You could see it in her eyes.
She was fed-up,
and her bruises made me angry.
She had a plan inside her mind.
This was no psycho;
she was an angel.
She had a knife.
She told me that she feared the night,
and that her bruises made her weary.

(Short Interlude, in my head for now)

(Long Bridge):
Suddenly, the girl
told me that she had to go,
grasped the knife in her hand,
and began to walk away.

That's when I stopped her.
I felt her tense up
as I grabbed her shoulder.
Her red eyes looked up at me again,
and before she could say a word,
I said to her,

"Let's run away..."
"Let's run away...,
to safety."

Finally, I saw a tiny grin.
She threw down the knife
and grabbed my hand.
We left and headed
toward the horizon.

(Momentary return to the format of the first verse)
There was a psycho, at the motel today.
-drunk and passed out,
with the intent to remove an angel's wings,
so cowardly.

(2nd and last run through Chorus)

I needed to rescue-
I needed to rescue her.
I needed to rescue her from
that hell, and that ruthless bastard.
cowardly..., pitiful.......

EnD

Well, that's the song. Suddenly, I'm a little angry again. I'll be fine though. This anger is one that feels different from the usual anger; some of you know what I mean. It's an anger that kind of makes you want to break something, but at the same time, you feel really compelled to make something positive happen.

Still..., I hope this song was enjoyable, despite the subject matter. I wrote this one with the idea of a "bright light at the end of the tunnel", happy-ending, type picture in my mind. I wanted to send out a message, but at the same time, send out another one about how the victim in this song was able to get away. Too bad in "real life" situations, that usually isn't the case. Honestly, the people who do this crap to women, and call themselves "men" make me feel pretty sick.

I could go on, but that wouldn't be too positive, so thanks if you read all this, and I'll have another one to post in a week, after another break from posting lyrics.

Cheers and a smile, All!

RiCterMan

ubw rookie Joined: Jun 28, 2005 Posts: 133

I must say I was very impressed reading this. I love the way you wrote it too, it was like a narrative story. in my opinion it was pretty damn sweet, it could use a little work but other then that good work dude.

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 1:08 am

Thank you, hereafter,

I appreciate the comments. I would say this, though: I'm always willing to read any contructive criticism from anyone viewing my lyrical posts. So, if you could, I'd like to hear what you mean by saying "it could use a little work." I know there's usually room for improvement, so I would definitely appreciate it. I'm glad you liked it though!

To hereafter and any others who see this post, I want to say, that when read, even by me, it seems to be very repetitive throughout the duration of the song, but it actually seems to work out fine, when I sing it out loud. Also, when I put in parenthesis "Momentary return to format of the first verse," I honestly don't know how that would work out, because I'm solo for now, as some of you may know, and the music is only imagined right now. Unfortunately, I never learned to play an instrument. I'm almost positive that the first line would fit, but I haven't looked close enough at the two lines after, and the third is sort of on it's own. But like I told hereafter, any constructive criticism is very much welcome in any of the song threads that I have posted, or will post. So thanks to all. I'll share a new piece titled, "Magnetik" next week. I just spent an hour or so, using up more ink on that, and it's a bit interesting. Cheers and warmth!

RiCterMan

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 4:30 pm

I liked it I guess... but not your best work.

This line -->

"Let's go celebrate, the way you move,
so gracefully."

<-- is great.

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 9:55 pm

Thanks Tom,

If you can, though it's not of any urgency, I'd like to know any criticisms you can give, since you said this one isn't my best work. Honestly, I think the lyrics you write are somewhat more advanced than mine, as far as talent goes, so I'd really appreciate any advice from you, on how I could improve it. I also just caught that odd typo I made, and I'm kind of wondering if I should leave it in and try to sing the song with that included..... -No... I wouldn't sing "&amp" in one of my songs, because that would be absolutely retarded. This calls for a click of the edit button. Cheers!

RiCterMan

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 10:02 pm

Ok... I only typed the actual typo from the song... -not the extra chacters. That I am sure of, and I don't know what happened with that, just now. so, just simply ignore that, if all of you would. Bye. Confused

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 8:39 am

o.k.

Well I think that my opinion is just based on my preferances.

I never realy whent for the whole 'telling a story' song. I realy do try to avoid them. I find it's alot easier not to go into as much detail. By detail, I don't mean adjectives. Perhaps 'detail' is the wrong word... but I'll give you an example so you can get what I mean;

I met a psycho at the motel today.
She was lookin' kind of hot
when I saw her shiny knife.
I walked up to her,
said,

I don't like the way it's like; "this happened", "then this happened", etc.

Maybe that's just me... but I think you could dilute it using the viewpoint of the persona a little rather than just make it a continuos little thing.

You have some good lyrics in there... but perhaps you could use some more powerful emotions?

I'm not saying this song is not good... but that your other stuff reads better to me.

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 11:44 pm

Tom,

I fully understand what you're sayin'. As you may have seen with my other songs, I don't normally write them in a story format either. Still, this one was intended to be written that way. Also, the emotion is pretty high each time I sing this, even though it is in a storyline form. Basically, the more emotional parts of the song are the Chorus, all the words from the line, "That's when I stopped her," to "to safety," and then everything after the line, "toward the horizon,"- The one part that is like the 1st verse is intense, even though it's sung very softly- to the end of the song. If you heard me sing it, and my vocals were decent, you'd probably be surprised at how heavy the emotions actually get. But everyone has different preferences, and that is completely cool with me, man. Thanks, Tom. Cheers!

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 5:54 pm

Personally, I like how this kind of shows things are not always what they appear to be. at first this girl was thought of as a psycho. then when looked at a little deeper, she was torn up literally and figuratively and trying to find a way out.

i also love earlier in the song you say she is an angel. and then later you say that the man will "remove an angel's wings." i think that was a good connection and well written.

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 7:32 pm

Wow... I didn't expect for anyone to interpret exactly what I was trying to portray here. Thanks very much for your comments guitarchick!

I noticed you're from Iowa. I'm from that one place; -the boring one... -Starts with the letter O, and it's kind of smelly... Ah yes, that's right. -Ohio. (Just jokin' around.) Laughing

It's cool to see someone who's somewhat close to where I'm at. I've gotta' run though. I have posts to find and read. Cheers and music!

RiCterMan

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 10:10 pm

Thanks, i make a sincere effort to understand what the song means, and where the writer is coming from. i think the song means so much more if you understand it from eveyr point of view rather than just reading the lyrics.

hah, iowa isnt much better, if not worse.

yeah i dont have anything posted as of right now. im going on vacation tomorrow so nothing for at least a week.

Guitarchick

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 10:37 pm

Hey again,

I just wanted to let you know that there's no need to thank me, though it's not a matter of it bothering me, or anything like that. I just found it to be pretty cool that you were able to understand what I was trying to get through. The way you that you interpreted it, was the general message that I had in mind when I started writing that day. So what you said in that reply, was pretty much dead-on.

Also, very good point about the idea of understanding all the viewpoints of a song's lyrics. I fully agree with that, and partially because of the fact that I put forth that same effort, I've kind of grown picky with the bands I listen to. There are other reasons too, but if I connect well with many songs a band/artist writes, that really spikes my interest in their music.

Hey... Where ever you're going tomorrow, have a good vacation. Smile

Cheers, guitarchick!

RiCterMan

ubw rookie Joined: Apr 30, 2005 Posts: 81

i like it homy i mean da way ya rim it it aait it's realy good ya no wat i'm sayin
but da bas idia of da jom i don't now i don't realy like it... i mean i ain't get it phh...
but ya rim realy good keep ya hed up dog...

PIS

INDEFINITE

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 1:09 am

Thanks En-En! When I write, I start writing whatever the idea I thought of is (usually a couple lines), and then I just develop the rest of the lyrics as I go along. I really try to let the rhyme emerge on it's own, as I'm writing it, instead of planning it out. That's just the way I write. Cheers, man!

RiCterMan

"The Rescue" (this is anti-domestic violence)

UBW Resources

Music Forums

Music Forums

Partners