I-let-my-senses-fail
ubw newbie
Joined: May 31, 2005
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Tue May 31, 2005 5:09 pm |
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please leave any comments, good or bad! cheers...
Breath in the smell of distinction
Identify the weak
With the momentarily figure of parenthood I seek
Without the life that I’m leading, this game I have lost
The mistakes I have created, and the price they have cost
(chorus)
It’s the point in your life when success moves away
And the most you can do it to just hope and pray
That one day you’ll be winning, with a staggering lead
But all that I want is to simply succeed, I fall away
Do you hear the sound of silence, can you hear the sound of thought
I long to hear the answers to the promises I made with myself
All I ever wanted, was everything I never got
The things I so badly hunted, but I couldn’t get a shot towards this now
Just take it back, its how I want this to be
Just take it back, (take it back)
Just take it back, I’ll leave, I swear, I swear, I swear…
(chrous)
I’ve retraced my steps until I reached the start of the beginning
But the future looks promising in an uncertain way
I’ve considered all angles, and I don’t want to stay in this
Now, its so terribly distracting, its so conveniently wrong
Its so happily married, is what ruined this song
Just take back, take it all, just take everything
I know
(chorus)
Never seen such triumph, yet with no such reward
Never seen the hero get the girl, its not like the movies, this lives not like the movies at all
What I would give to just (take it back, take it back)
I know if I could (take it, take everything)
always, will I know, to give it, then let go, (fall away)
Promise me one thing, if nothing at all
I see a million different dreams, corroded by jealousy and hate
Living one and together, each hand in each arm
Because I loved you like you wanted, you took everything away
I fall away
_______________________________________________________________________
Hold the bread knife
Cutting into my neck
Oh dear
Its not what we planned
Well if I fall on to my knees gasping for air
Does that mean you win?
(chorus)
I lost this time, for the forth and the final
Not gunna let this go on and on
I could pretend that, your forgiven
But I’m not, so lets finish this off
I’m left thinking, out loud
I never was too good at making things right
Well maybe, a two bang will sort this situation
Bleeding on my knees
(chorus)
I try to scream, but these walls consume the sound
I desperately hunt you down, but I find my self lying
“face down on the floor, in the corner of a jail cell”
(It always ends the same)
“face down on the floor, in the corner of a jail cell”
(Face down, face down,)
I’m “face down on the floor, in the corner of a jail cell”
And I just cant get up
(chorus)
Why try to reach out to safe something, when it was never there from the start
Why try to save you
Why try to make this work, just to be run off by some ‘on the side’ jerk
I’ll let you keep the bullet, and bottle up my blood
Think of the damage, I think you wanted this anyway
_______________________________________________________________________
Claustrophobic inside my mind, disillusions before my eyes
This one way movement down a one way road, and the one way going is down
Was it too much to ask, for a relationship to last
Is that something so extraordinary its out of my reach
Note them down, write a book
Write a poem but who gives a f**k
Because a guy trying to get ahead is a part of life
Nothing but one big tease, a lying shrew, a little sleaze
Beginning to see alone is the option, is the only way to be
Was it too much to ask, for a relationship to last
Is that something so extraordinary its out of my reach
Note them down, write a book
Write a poem but who gives a f**k
Because a guy trying to get ahead is a part of life
Close your eyes drift away
Dream of where you want to stay
Relax you thoughts and blank your mind
And
Think off everything you’ve lost, and the little you have gained
All those nights you cried yourself to sleep because you had no shoulder to share
Sat in depression, but no confession,
When you got no-one but yourself
And the only thing to look forward to is not waking up at all
Was it too much to ask, for a relationship to last
Is that something so extraordinary its out of my reach
Note them down, write a book
Write a poem but who gives a f**k
I gave a f**k, I gave a f**k
You say I wish you didn’t whine
Because I haven’t got the time
I’d tell you to write a poem, write a book,
But don’t you realise that no-one gives a f**k
With all you have gained… with all you have lost
(straight evens would be great now, great now)
(straight evens would be great now, great now)
(straight evens would be great now, great now)
(straight evens would be…
_______________________________________________________________________
Why do you do what you do
Why do you say what you say
Whats he ever done wrong to you
Whats he ever done wrong to you
Victimisation because you
Don’t like anyone different
And you like to make people laugh
And you like to look big
Your nothing, your nothing
(chorus)
Its not half as much fun to be on the receiving side all the time (leave him the f**k alone)
X4
Do you even realise
I’ve come to realise
I’ve seen his broken smile
You’ve killed him
He’s dead inside
How do you look at your self in the mirror
(How do you sleep at night)
What if the tables should turn
What if if things change
How would you like to be on the receiving end
You wouldn’t like it all
Chorus
Well heres how its stands, be yourself, be a man
Stop acting, and hurting, do you understand
The hate and the pain, slowly driving him insane
Your killing him mentally, physically, he is a good
Good, guy, if you only get to know him
Show him, he has a friend in this world
Chorus
I’m on his side (common have a go now)
Bully him you bully me (I’m on his side)
Not so big now (your not so big)
Payback time will come
Its not half as much fun to be on the receiving side all the time (leave him the f**k alone)
Its not half as much fun to be on the receiving side all the time (leave him the f**k alone)
Its not half as much fun to be on the receiving side all the time
Why don’t you just leave him alone
Its not half as much fun to be on the receiving side all the time
there... i've written loads and loads of songs but if anyone reads this far down al be shocked lol |
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 4:00 am |
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What I am about to say, may be false, but I don't think it is. Those lyrics are sweet. -Very nice work. The only thing I saw, and it would be pretty hard to change, was when you used the word "jerk", in the second piece in this thread, to rhyme with start. But unless you went more along the lines of saying something about that "jerk", instead of straight-out calling them one, it would be hard to work it around. I've tried to make somethin' like that happen, and succeeded, but there were many times I found I had to change the other line in question.
Please know this is just thoughtful, constructive criticism, because you already know that these are your creations. I'm not here to bash at all. The reason for me saying that last thought, was just to inform, because these songs seem very persona to you. If someone said something that seemed "over the line", about any of my more personal songs, I could get slightly offended. Though, I'm pretty good with judging a reader/listener's intentions.
You should check out my first post. It's decent, I think, and it's been recieved well, mostly, when I've sung it to a few sets of ears. If you do check it out, let me know your views. I'd love to hear any insight you have on the song. I gotta' restart the puter' now, so here's the title, in case you haven't seen it yet: "The Black Hole Manifestival."
Cheers and a Smile!
RiCterMan |
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Sorry about the pickle monster....
