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ireidt
ubw newbie
Joined: Jan 30, 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 11:39 pm |
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hello, I am new to this forum, but I haev been writing poetry for some time. Hopefulyl you guys wont mind if I post some of my work up. Please critisize as much as possible. Enjoy
In the End
In the End
My life ends, but a new begins
And unwinds the past
That tells the tale
The past lives that I lived
From a Egyptian pharaoh
To the Revolutionary Leader
It matters not
For the memories come as a blast
And a second later
The life is out of its mothers womb
And remembers nothing of the life
I had
Is my life pointless then?
Just a circle that repeats without end
Or is it that if I did some good in the past
The life ahead of me will uphold that and grasp
The feeling of being a true hero
Of believing in yourself
And not being a clone of the world
In the End
It will just repeat
With out stopping
For a break
And I am getting dizzy
For life is spinning
And I can't see
If you keep pulling
On that rope that's
Tied to me
And let the carousel
Slow down
And let me
Be free
Again
But then again
Is life worth living?
Seeing all the devils sinning
Seeing crimes committing
And replacing my good life
With black and white stripes
Or maybe a one piece
Orange suit
Does it matter?
What live we chase after
It all ends eventually
And then someone hits rewind
And the movie of life
Is played again
In the End
It will just repeat
With out stopping
For a break
And I am getting dizzy
For life is spinning
And I can't see
If you keep pulling
On that rope that's
Tied to me
And let the carousel
Slow down
And let me
Be free
Again
And again
I see the end
And the saints are there
Judging my life
And I don't care
What they say
It doesn't matter anyway
And I am getting dizzy
For life is spinning
And I can't see
If you keep pushing me
Down the path that's
Not destined for me
And let the carousel
Stop
And strap me
And trap me
To that spinning wheel
Once again
River of guilt
I crossed the river
the river of fire and souls
my family was all there
staring into my eyes
and the angels in black
giving me memories
I want to die
My ancestors glare
and tell me I dishonor them
and the angels mock
and laughter fills my mind
makes me want to cry
and my eyes open
as I reach the other side
the river behind me
and never again will I cross it
the river of guilt
and I look back
and the angels are still there
and I escaped
from the land I tried to hide
my homeland from long ago
as I pull of my black robes
my white clothing beneath
shines brightly around
as my wings expand
I lift my feet off the ground
and I fly away... |
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Brooksy
ubw screen dweller
Joined: Oct 08, 2004
Location: The Wastelands
Posts: 1899
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| Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 11:19 am |
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Hi ireidt.
Not much of a poet, myself, but looking at these from a lyrical point of a view I'll do my best.
IN THE END
You ask some pretty damn good questions here. I'm sure we've all asked them a hundred times before. I can't really say anything really bad about this. There's some fantastic lines here, and I can't help but think this was written in one sitting because it's so raw and human.
RIVER OF GUILT
Again, a good soul search. Honestly, I hate not being able to fault stuff, lol. You got a massive talent here, don't let it run dry. |
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Guest
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| Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 12:27 pm |
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Thanks. Those are actually old poems I wrote last year. I haven't written in a while, My bass playing keeps getting into the way, but hopefully I will put up some new ones later today. |
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minusme
Site Admin
Joined: Jan 25, 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 3648
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 9:09 pm |
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Hi ireidt!!!!
I totally agree with Brooksy, great job on these! I thought both were great!
Ron |
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cprmark
ubw newbie
Joined: Jan 24, 2005
Location: Oxford, Mississippi (USA)
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:46 pm |
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I love to read things that make me think. I really liked River of guilt. Good job. |
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