Brooksy
ubw screen dweller
Joined: Oct 08, 2004
Location: The Wastelands
Posts: 1899
|
| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:05 am |
 |
Welcome to UBW Sports.
Pingu is a game of aerodynamics and sheer luck. The frustration of competitors can be seen when hitting the mines time after time only to fall short or long on the crucial final bounce.
Current champion Brooksy sits comfortable, but not stable with 1352, only 56 points ahead of blueprintfan, who used his own Pingu, a sleek design with springs in its head. This caused a little contreversy, but the judges passed the Pingu saying that the Yeti had stopped using Ether to subdue the animal before it got decapitated.
Former champ Maisie, who has dropped to third, has no worries about loosing the top spot: "Myself and friends at Area 51 are developing a nuclear powered pingu. I can't tell you the supplier of the power, only to say it took him a while to phone home"
In fourth place with 1207, tutlle is happy with his ranking also, stating: "I have the cleanest decapitation record in the sport. When the others take their round it takes the side judges an hour to clean up the mess".
Tuttle even brings his own snow cleaners. Judges have the upmost respect for this and awarded him the golden broom for being snow friendly.
Our Moderator Of Wastes is not wasting any time to secure a top ten spot. Unproject with a modest 1112 says he's here only to destroy penguins: "I have no worries about the competition, Brooksy may sit at the top spot, but once I have brought in my special Pingu for the next few rounds, they'll all be laughing on another planet."
Shortly after this interview Unproject released a new track and caused mayhem in the Penguin paddock as a thousand of the animals began breakdancing.
Up in 5th with 1180 points is our Alek. The banana mad sportsman says all his Pingu's have been trained by Pac Man. "Being yellow, myself and Pac Man are best buddies."
Alek, noted for the Pac Sports, says that Pingu just fills in time between Pac rounds: "The Pac Dicatholon is more important to me. I love grabbing the cherries!"
A final mention in this special fake report is the hero from Down Below. ImL.
Frustrated at the lack of dedication by his own Pingu he has sort out advice from Dringu, the suicidal Penguin bomber: "I expect to be top spot in the next few weeks," he says, "Dringu has come up with a game plan that should bring victory for myself and my country."
ImL gained notority in the sport, when at the beginning he'd asked the judges to sub the Penguins for sheep because he knew how they could fly.
So who will be champion in 2005. America, France and New Zealand seem to be the best odds. Brooksy may maintain the top spot for the UK for now, but as we all know...When the going gets tough, the UK go home for tea 
Until the next special FAKE report....Curveball, and the Mouse effect....goodbye.
This report has been brought to you courtesy of UBW and Pengy Snacks...Feed your Pingu without loosing the bounce. |
|
|
ImL
moderator
Joined: Jun 25, 2004
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1885
|
| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2004 5:23 am |
|
You rock !
as soon as they read your manuscript, my people will be in touch with your people to discuss the fine print.
We have at our disposal, blue prints of the Dringu 2586 stealth penguin with built in titanium encased explosive homing device with carbon fibre multi springs.
Unproject might be in it just for the sport, but Alek is in it for the bananas. Maisie and Tuttle are both threats but seem to have gone to ground for a while. Bad move I say. There is now a gap in true competitors and the door is open.
2005 will see the giant golden smiley face on many a top left corner |
|
|
