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Spaceboy79
ubw newbie
Joined: Aug 25, 2009
Location: Norway
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 2:55 pm |
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I was waiting for life
While life was waiting for me
I was locked behind doors
Away from reality
To save myself
From me and from everyone else
And they said that the life i lived
Was no longer good for me
And how do they know?
That this is the best thing for me?
And how do they know?
That this will work for me?
brigde:
Well it spins round and round
in my head
Sometimes i wish i was dead
And you seem to to know everything
About me
chorus:
Well im so confused
I have been used
Well im so confused
Are you amused?
remember im a fukking foreigner.. this song is allmost like master of war.(pearl jam version).same style-- acustic guitar.. and vocals...
but chould use a second verse and inputs maybe
i can record it and send it to u if ya wanne
my msn is Frost_NOR@hotmail.com |
Last edited by Spaceboy79 on Tue Aug 25, 2009 4:23 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Spaceboy79
ubw newbie
Joined: Aug 25, 2009
Location: Norway
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 2:56 pm |
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texter-bernd
ubw rookie
Joined: Sep 05, 2008
Location: Germany
Posts: 64
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| Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 1:24 am |
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The first lines are just great and promising:
I was waiting for life
While life was waiting for me
I was locked behind doors
Away from reality
I'd alter the next few lines a bit into:
...
to be safe from myself
and from everyone else
and they said that the life I've lived
would not be good for me
but how did they know
what was the best (thing) for me
and how did they know?
what would work out for me
Bridge:
Well it spins round and round
in my head
Sometimes I wished I was dead
while they seemed to know everything
about me
Chorus:
Now I'm so confused
I have been used
Well I'm so confused
I feel abused
There still is the switch from past to present that is not easy to convey in a song. I believe I was able to smooth it a bit. I exchange the last line of the chorus that sounded a bit stupid to me ("are you amused" - obviously just there to provide a rhyme). Other possible rhymes: lose, choose, refuse, bruise ...
Sorry, but no 2nd verse yet. Maybe you can provide an idea? I think it should be in the present tense, possible describing the struggles getting along after rehab.
Bernd
(no native speaker either) |
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