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FSWCA - TDoughman. Please Review my Lyrics.

 Music Forums Lyrics FSWCA - TDoughman. Please Review my Lyrics.  
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TDoughman
ubw newbie
ubw newbie



Joined: Aug 08, 2009

Posts: 1

Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2009 10:11 pm Reply with quote

These arent the final lyrics, but the rought draft. This shall be rapped on a beat a friend shall create. thanks

Copyrighted
FSCWA
Yeah… T-Doughman
t-t-t-t-time its time to move on now..

11 sec
Its been to long now, and its time to let it out
Had it locked up now, I’m gonna take a different route
Been hurting too long, you need to see at last,
So come with me, to let you see, misery in my past

21 sec
Chorus;
f**k sluts we care about
(repeat with beat)
.

32 sec
Young Anne, parents divorced before she was a teen.
Came from a broken family, her life was obscene
Never had the care of a dad, his heart was unseen.
Loneliness ran through her body like a vaccine.

Now thirteen, she thinks she knows wat love is.
Gave her body up, even tho she is just a kid.
But she couldn’t keep happy, cuz he wouldn’t bother.
To stay around to mend the hole left by her father.

She Moved to a place, in search for love she made mistakes.
Degraded herself, cuz she thought that’s what it takes.
We fell in love, although her heart still had ached
We both were infatuated, never thought it was fake.

She moved to college, long distance, next year i would follow
But the loneliness she experienced was too hard to swallow.
You must master your past, before it masters your future
Or you’ll be mending your hearts remains with a suture.

It seemed the world had stopped, and felt emptier still.
Her new happiness now, a 25 gram pill.
Her life thrown away, the drugs illusion was strong
Trying to find a cheap thrill to fill the love that she longs

The beauty inside her I saw had now turned stale
As she sits sniffing coke as her face turns pail
And is it my fault I let this girl go wrong?
Doesn’t matter now, cuz its time to move on.



Chorus
f**k sluts we care about

1:47

condmned by the lord, heart parted like seas
not an option to suffer, it is the kings decree.
Figured out the news, and went home in a flee
So I said I’d skipped class, like im no bourgeoisie

Love lost, all you need, see, and breath is the past,
Its what you eat, sleep, crave, dream, drink, sip n grasp.
And once you finally break free, you breathe in at last,
Cuz your liberated, but your hearts still in a cast.

No chance to escape, no place for redemption
Try to beat away the past, put your mind in retention
I loved this girl for about two years now,
I won, loved, and lost her, and I finally fear now,

she in love with someone else, her heart had been taken,
was a founder of love, but my heart was forsaken,
I was falling, fading, wading, but now im convalescent.
it’s a gift the pasts gone, now the future is my present.

The disciple of satin had become my addiction
wont call it love, this is a curse of affliction
Pull the knife out my back brutus, how could you do this
Crucified my heart, when you betrayed me like judas.

But I don’t need this girl cuz now she’s gone,
Missed your chance now its time to move on.

Chorus
f**k sluts we care about

2:51
Didn’t expect this, leavin me for another
And I know we got in fights, but we always would recover

Feelin lonely now, like a kid without his brother
Homies got my back, but my heart still suffers

What really happened is she fell into drugs,
Heart cold, impenetrable to words of love

Now her trust is in a bank that was drugged and corrupt
now with karmas retribution, that bank is bankrupt.
Your currency of love is deep in inflation
Couldn’t even afford to get my mind to elation
Dr. Please, get my heart under stronger sedation
Cuz the honest truth, is a bitter sensation

All her hope given to the pric - the dealer
Bait set, line hooked, all he gotta do is reel her.

Fought hard day n night, get her mind to health
But I cant help you if you don’t help yourself.

but were roached now, like blazin,
were done with this rotation.
cuz your hearts one thing im finished chasing

Cuz I thought I’d get you back, I could almost taste it
But just like you, that time was always WASTED

So learn you lesson if you know what’s good for
You, better learn before you end up done for,

you played me like you were out on tour
But ur music flopped and theres no encore.

So, thank you for allowing to me talk out
my hearts fightin, mike Tysin, its knocked out.

It seemed wat this girl had done incorrect,
Is saying she’s inlove, but started to neglect

The pro-mis - - - no she wasn’t hon-est,
Had me fallin for her lies, I forgot my harness

One piece of advice before I drop out.
Is remember f**k sluts we care about.

And any time your homies down n need aid.
Tellem F-S-W-C-A.

(fades with chorus)
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texter-bernd
ubw rookie
ubw rookie



Joined: Sep 05, 2008
Location: Germany
Posts: 63

Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:15 am Reply with quote

Pretty cool, man!

I'd recommend getting the timeline straight and tell it like a story: 1st part - her past (childhood), 2nd part - your shared love story, 3rd part - after you lost her (her drug addiction etc.).

I've liked the first part straight away. But then the 3rd part seems to repeat what's already been told in part two, that's a bit irritating. I think you've got quite enough ideas and phrases so you could just order them a bit differently to make it a story with a flow.

Bernd
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