aja75
ubw newbie
Joined: May 12, 2009
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 2:44 am |
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Hi all
I'm a French songwriter and musician, and since English is not my native language, I would like to have your feedback on my lyrics. First on a very basic level, I would like to know if there are language errors. Then also what you think about the lyrics.
Thanks for your help
PS: If you want to listen to the song: My site
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Attractive as a poison,
Addictive like a hit of crack
Tried to leave you again and again
You're an angel, but your soul is black
I'm a lightning you're my thunder
Girl I could die for you
But until I'm six feet under
What a hell you put me through
Why do we stay together ?
Don't say it's better for our son
Our daily life's is a torture
Girl you're my room 101
Our relationships a blunder
Years go by but northing's new
I wish I was six feet under
Just to be released from you
Take me in, throw me out
We start making tender love, then we fight and shout
Take me in, throw me out
I just can't live with you, but I can't do without
I'm a lightning you're my thunder
Girl I could have died for you
But until I'm six feet under
What a hell you put me through
Breathing out, breathing in
I need some space to live, a space where you're not in
Take me in, throw me out
Love and hate, pleasure and pain, is what we we're all about
Pleasure has gone away, so long that I forgot,
Love has slowly faded away, now hate is all we've got... |
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texter-bernd
ubw rookie
Joined: Sep 05, 2008
Location: Germany
Posts: 64
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| Posted: Sat May 30, 2009 9:24 am |
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A few spelling errors or typos. Never mind, they are unhearable.
I would alter this line:
"What a hell you put me through " into
"What hell you put me through "
Great songs, great voice! I've bookmarked your site http://www.javanshir.net/site/en/music.html
Bernd (BTW: German, not a native speaker either) |
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