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vidyps79
ubw rookie
Joined: Oct 21, 2008
Location: Belgrade, Serbia
Posts: 67
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:40 am |
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VIDYPS79 On UBW
BUY BEAUTIFUL AMBIENT MUSIC
Come
To this island paradise
You'll never be or dream alone again
While walking along
The shore you will see
The beauty shining on
If follow me I'll tell you all the stories
About the stars
You needn't believe
You're just to see no disguise
I will keep on looking
For someone with the sun
In his eyes
Picturing my dreams will
Come true in this island paradise
Here everyone's the one
Hear
Hear my voice is mild
Like coming down from the very sky
My heart will tell
About the depths
About the hidden depths in me that dwell
Just follow love to find you
And wish on the stars
Now you'll believe
You will see no disguise
I will keep on looking
For someone with the sun
In his eyes
Picturing my dreams will
Come true in this island paradise
Here everyone's the one
VIDYPS79 On UBW
BUY BEAUTIFUL AMBIENT MUSIC |
Last edited by vidyps79 on Sun Dec 27, 2009 6:02 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Daniel-Klot
ubw newbie
Joined: Jan 01, 2009
Location: In the woods of New York
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2009 4:40 pm |
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Apparently, punctuation is your worst enemy. It is aggravating for a reader to not know when to stop or pause when going over lyrics. If you properly put in the commas and periods, it would make a big difference as far as presenting your writing goes.
Some of your lines don't make sense; example: [verse 1 | line 10] "You're just to see no disguise" , [verse 2 | line 2-3] "Hear my voice is mild Like coming down from the very sky" and [verse 2 | line 7] "Just follow love to find you"
The thing I do like about the lyrics is the repetition of celestial elements. It holds the image of a fantasy skyline throughout, which would work well in a trance/rave/electronic song. |
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vidyps79
ubw rookie
Joined: Oct 21, 2008
Location: Belgrade, Serbia
Posts: 67
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| Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2009 3:52 am |
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Thanks for your review. Let me just say, I didn't mention, this song is be sung, so the punctuation is not to be used at all. Of course, you wouldn't be minded if you used it, but it is left for listeners to place the punctuation there where they have it imagined at the given moment. As for the lyrics that "don't have sense", they do,  , but the "songwriter's freedom" has got to be switched on. It's very good from you to have noticed the repetition of celestial elements, I pay a great attention to such a type of songwriting. |
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Daniel-Klot
ubw newbie
Joined: Jan 01, 2009
Location: In the woods of New York
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 11:50 am |
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It does sound good. Make more. |
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elex
ubw rookie
Joined: Nov 27, 2008
Posts: 82
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| Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 12:31 am |
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