New Metal track posted by Smileygeezer

Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 7:35 am

I know the singing could be better but what about the music. If any of you metal growlers would like to have a crack at the vocals, just let me know.
Anyway, this ones called "I Just Want Your Soul"

Play I Just Want Your Soul by Smileygeezer

Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 8:00 pm

Definatly got a groove/possibly nu-metal vibe to it,but I like it.Only thing I would say is maybe having the guitars a bit louder,so they kick you in the teeth,more than being in the backround

and if you want me to have a crack at vocals,then let me know

Matt
Delirium Trigger

moderator Joined: Jun 30, 2007 Posts: 567

this is mystic intro, nice song, detuned i like this

Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 4:23 am

Honestly, this is not as good, as your other songs. You're much better in making pop/new wave or soft rock songs.

~Zorro_Loco

ubw newbie Joined: Jun 29, 2008 Posts: 26

Hi Smiley,

The overall sound and delivery of the song is solid - interesting ideas going on in the background.

I feel that the lyrics and vocals would be more powerful if they appeared sooner in the song - a briefer intro would allow things to get going with more immediacy.

There is no kind of lift in the song - the deep repetitions of "I just want your soul" don't really substitute for the interest of a middle 8 with a couple of different chords or new shred of melody, however brief.

I like the busy guitar under the vocal line - that's good.

The lyrics have potential but they sound more like a prose 'story' than lyrics in places.

For example

"I was first attracted by your virtue"

Could be cut to:

"First attracted by your virtue"

and

"This path I walk leads only to sin"

could be slightly amended:

"This path I'm on leads only to sin"

since 'walk' is a hard word to sing in this context

and

"Before you met me you knew laughter"

seems a bit clumsy with the repeated 'you' - perhaps something like

"Before we met you wanted laughter"

also the lines:

"Then you discovered what I was after
The only place your going is straight to Hell"

could be shaped up:

"When you knew what I was after
The only place you'd go is - straight to Hell"

This would give you just a bit more space for the delivery with a tiny pause before the 'straight to hell' phrase. I think it's important not to cram in the lyrics - and have to rush some of the lines.

Forgive the impertinence of mucking about with your lyrics Smiley, but it's the only way I can explain what I mean!

Paul

moderator Joined: Jun 30, 2007 Posts: 567

Trentham something positiv with the fact you review , never saw someone to review lyrics working in song on lots of music site.big up ppls Smile

Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:35 pm

i'd have to agree with DeliriumTrigger regarding the guitars. i think it's actually an issue with the mix. it sounds kind of muffled, which is something that you could easily remedy. for a metal track, it's just too quiet overall and sounds liek there is too much low-end except for the vocals, which surprisingly come through very clearly.

this isn't really my kind of music, so i have nothing constructive to say about style. i'll leave that to the metal fans! Laughing

i think with a little more work on the mixing end, you could have a really full, energetic track. nice work! Cool

Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 11:06 am

Thanks for all the feedback guys.
Zorro, your probably right, which is a shame cause metal is my favourite genre.
Paul, wow, thanks for making the effort. I agree with most of what you said and I will make some of your recommended changes in the next incarnation.
Gorg, I will have another play with the levels and bring the guitar forward.

Very Happy

Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 8:38 pm

Metals your favourite? now that I wouldnt have seen coming.Which reminds me Ive got a solo section coming up in one of my new songs if you fancy having a crack at it?

Matt

Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 4:02 am

Love to Matt. I messaged you yesterday with my email address. Send me yours and Ill send you some kareoke to play with.

ubw newbie Joined: Aug 06, 2008 Posts: 25

Hi, the intro sounds really great and I like the whole song. I'm into this kind of music. Smile

Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 3:27 pm

I think, the song is more Darkwave, than Metal.

~Zorro_Loco

Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 3:14 pm

Sent the stuff earlier so let me know if you've managed to get them

New Metal track posted by Smileygeezer

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