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BellaCanzone
ubw newbie
Joined: Feb 15, 2008
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 5:55 pm |
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this song still needs work i think...especially on the verses but please tell me what you think...constructive criticism will help lol. thanks
it's called ..You Can't Live On Dreams
Verse 1:
I’m keepin’ up my brave face.
Until I’m behind that closed door.
I don’t wanna stay in this place
No more.
But I don’t wanna say goodbye...
Chorus:
But you know what they say.
You can’t live on dreams
So why not live on obsession.
That’s what everybody does
Here.
Verse 2:
Look past these eyes.
And you’ll see..
Remember all your lies.
All the pain that you caused me.
Just let me go...
Chorus:
But you know what they say.
You can’t live on dreams
So why not live on obsession.
That’s what everybody does
Here.
Verse 3:
Try to convince myself,
You’re no good.
Bad for my health.
The worst addiction there is.
Be mine...
I wish you could
But I need to let you go...
Chorus:
But you know what they say.
You can’t live on dreams
So why not live on obsession.
That’s what everybody does
Here.
Verse 4:
Last time we spoke,
You still wanted me.
It was nothing more than a joke.
Now I know,
We can never be.
I’m better off on my own.
Better off on my own.
Final chorus:
But you know what they say.
You can’t live on dreams
So why not live on obsession.
That’s what everybody does
Here.
You can’t live on dreams..No no!
So why not live on obsession...
Obsession.
(short pause..then said almost whispering):
Because you can't live on dreams.
once again thanks
XD |
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DIZIB
ubw newbie
Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:00 pm |
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this song is pretty nice. Do you have also chords? 
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support @ infobitedesign.com
support @ DIZIB.COM |
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PPB
moderator
Joined: Jun 30, 2007
Posts: 433
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 11:59 am |
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I will ask the admin if drugs are tolerated in the forums lol  cause this smell strong life addiction in these talken that make my spirit fading bit white bit black, nothing in colors or kind of blues.
better hurry up now sun is shining ? weather is sweet?  |
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rebarock88
ubw newbie
Joined: Jul 09, 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:13 pm |
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TwiceD
ubw newbie
Joined: Mar 17, 2008
Location: Germany, Munich
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 1:07 am |
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Not bad, the chorus is well done. I think it's easy to remember, so you did your work good. But also I expect you're right with the verse, they still need a bit of work. The lines don't fit really together.
But all in all very good work, keep it up! |
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