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sharonbrady
ubw newbie
Joined: Mar 14, 2008
Location: Ireland
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 5:57 am |
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CaseyC
ubw newbie
Joined: Oct 02, 2005
Posts: 18
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 3:04 pm |
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Hi Sharon!
Ok,
the song starts of quite well with a kinda smooth feeling but the vocals are way to high in the mix, and the second vocals are even higher!!!
Then some strange acustic guitar comes into the picture and really detroys more than it helps the song (and it's out of phase and tune) which makes it all go out of phase....
Throw away the guitar and focus on the first part and go from there.
/C |
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snowgoon25
ubw newbie
Joined: Mar 23, 2008
Location: Manchester
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:05 pm |
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Gotta say i agree with CaseyC, the vocals are too loud and the mismatched syncing between guitar and beat is a problem. If it's a deliberate artistic type thing i can sort of see it's value, it sounds a bit crazy and different, which would maybe work as the ending but not as the majority of the song. I do like your voice though, I'll be honest and say I don't think it's spot on in tune all the time but it does sound unique and interesting which is a great asset to have (and something I am envious of!)
Make some more songs! And if you have time come listen to some of mine... |
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FaceFitz
ubw fanatic
Joined: Sep 21, 2007
Location: Nottingham, UK
Posts: 530
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:06 pm |
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hey sharon, checked out your tune, nice stuff... the tune starts off really really well... got a nice flow to it... as pointed out the vocals are too loud in the mix, youll get alot of comments about the overall mix here as most people, though unsigned still strive to get the song as proffesional sounding as they possible can, giving it the best chance if it does get heard by anyone in the various corners of the music buisness world... it also helps people review who for instance like 'speed metal' to review a 'country' song...
right, enough rambling... lol.. the guitar bit doesnt quite fit into the rhythm of the tune, its also slightly out of key with the sample you've used, im presuming its a sample??? you have a nice voice, and both parts work well when on theyre own, it just doesnt quite mix, i think the only way you could pull off having both parts in is to cut the sample at your line ''tear in my heart'' (hope thats the right line  ) then that way the guitar could still come in at the same point as it does now... i dont know how you can get the two to fit together though... anyway, thats just an idea...
overall id say its a decent effort, the vocals being the strongest part, really good melody and tone from someone so young, you're only going to improve with age and this tune shows an excellent level of creativity and originality for someone of only 16 years old!!!
it was a brave effort to try and mix those two parts into one song, and while its not quite worked it shows great promise for the future...
good luck with your tunes... keep em coming!!!  |
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thetoads
ubw newbie
Joined: Feb 19, 2008
Location: Kingswinford, England
Posts: 27
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 2:14 pm |
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hi sharon
we agree with most of the comments made about the song and you are by no means the finished article...yet
I hope you don't mind us offering some advice, and we do this because we think you have something good to offer.
Your real trump card is your voice. You have a very good, pleasing, natural tone. However, you need to work on hitting the right notes. The vast majority of them are fine but listening to your other songs on myspace, you can hit some very odd ones. It is difficult to tell if this is a problem with the songwriting or your singing. I have a feeling it may be the former. A way to find out is to sing a simple, well known song and listen back to check accuracy.
When writing a song, take the time to record the melody slowly on a keyboard, speed it up to the correct tempo and then practice singing with this.
Keep the backing simple and make sure all the tracks are IN TIME together. Use a metronome if you can. Your voice (when accurate) does not need loads of stuff going on behind it.
Keep practising the guitar (if it you playing it) if not learn! and sing with it everyday. Chord fingerings are easy, it takes a little more time to get the changes, rhythm and tempo just right. Don't record with it until you are confident you have this sorted. Play everyday and you will get there in 6 months!
I (and the band) would like to hear a version of this song with a basic click rhythm, accurate melody (not too loud) and maybe sustained keyboard notes moving with the chord progression.
Sorry to lecture but we do it cos we wish we could do what you can do when we were sixteen, and because no one told us this stuff then.
Keep going and let us know when you record some more. Well done on chart position but lose the lettering on the track artwork (the photo is great!)
Cheers
The Toads
www.thetoads.co.uk
www.myspace.com/meetthetoads |
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gorgatron
moderator
Joined: Aug 08, 2006
Location: Greater Kansas City
Posts: 630
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:28 pm |
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i agree with the Toads and everyone else. gets off to a good start but starts to get a bit out of time. tracking is not easy at first, though, so just give it some time.
it sounds like you found a bass and percussion loop that went well together and then did the vocals and guitar over that...is that correct? if so, you definitely should use a metronome. i've been playing for many years and still use one when recording, even if it's only at the beginning to get things started off right.
i've also always found it easier to write the song first and then record it when doing acoustic music. not sure if you tried to do both at once, but just in case, keep that in mind.
i think pretty much everything else has been said. good luck and keep plugging away at it.
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sharonbrady
ubw newbie
Joined: Mar 14, 2008
Location: Ireland
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 11:29 am |
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Wow am i really that obvious:P  haha
Thank you for your responses I really appreciate it!
I will take all your advice into account and start working right away:D Ill let you know when theres an improvement:D
Thanks again,
-Sharon Brady  |
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