my shit chak it outa

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En-En
ubw rookie
ubw rookie



Joined: Apr 30, 2005

Posts: 81

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 12:37 pm Reply with quote

ay i got shit of mina so chek it out... and say wat ya tink

1st kid ay guys chek wat i got in here-
2nd kid oh it's tupac... his new album "All Eyez On Me" he's hot
2nd kid yea he is, come on man put da tape in da walkman wit da laudspikers
1st kid ok just let me open it
3rd kid come on, come on Keny we'r diein to hear it
{tape's in}
1st kid here we go.... {pac

evrybody got to rit... November 21 1996 well today we'll lorn some meth (mess
but teacher it's not mess it's meth
stand up naters come to da desk, smart arse
and teacher it's not smart arse it's smart ass
enaf, now sit down and stop interuptin me clas, no 1 will distarb dis lesen so pen you ears and lisen
but teacher, teacher....
and no buts shut your maf up and stop feelin ypur nats
i gota go to da restroom can i ?
no naters and imidiatly tak your sit
f**k you b**ch... i gota piss
ok naters just don't missss...
dat's da way i spent my time in da elementery school wit a f**ked up teacher
who was goin tro all her years wit da sam rul
"use your brain or i mak you lose it"
f**k it i already lost it and i ain't need you to tell me how stupid i am
and noke my brain and say i'll never see a dime
ay Semon it's 2004 wat's rong
yea i now and i don't need no student to tell me wat year it is, i'm on
and watch your fat ass befor you brak enader char man
naters how rud from you,take your ass up and get out of da clas, i don't want to see you
as you wish Gaint just hit us back befor you'r on WWE fine
my wegt is not a subject for discas so mute or get out
i beter out coz der's coz der's mo chiks to chil down
and Mr. naters tak you only pan and paper and don't come back you'r cleard
owwww finaly i was waitin for it since i'm hereeee....

PIS

INDEFINITE
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
ubw luminary



Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 734

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 7:50 pm Reply with quote

Hey En-En,

This is only criticism, so don't be offended.

First, I'm not sure I'm feelin' what this is about. -The whole school theme. It just sort of made me lose interest a little, towards the end. You rhyme very well here, but I'm not sure how people would percieve this subject. I'm thinking that they might take it less seriously than some other subject matters. Still, know that I'm definitely not saying you're a bad writer. Even if I thought so (I don't), it isn't my place to say that to anyone. I know that when I write, I always remember the phrase, "There's always room for improvement." That phrase is very true, no matter how good of a writer someone is. I hope that was useful for you. Cheers, to you!

RiCterMan
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En-En
ubw rookie
ubw rookie



Joined: Apr 30, 2005

Posts: 81

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 11:37 pm Reply with quote

aait i gotcha i mean i got work on it and it's cool
and al da jam talkin abot shit i got... i mean sinc da first grad 1996...
and to my last 2004... ya now wat i'm sayin... i mean i gota work on it a lil bit and it's aait
tnx homy

ah and i ain't have no nam for it phh so if any 1 gota nam hit me back...
coz i just realy got no nam for dis shit

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