Tongue Tied

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sixtysecondminute
ubw rookie
ubw rookie



Joined: May 27, 2005
Location: Solihull, UK
Posts: 186

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 8:46 am Reply with quote

I'm tongue tied,
I'll tie it round your neck,
And choke away the breath,
From that nasty little head of yours,
It chokes me,
Chokes me up inside,
To think that I once thought
That you once gave a damn about me,

I'm not listening anymore,
So why do you even bother,
You're messages go unreturned,
Yet still you leave them,
Just like you left me,
Sitting in my room,
And waiting for you to call,
You never did,
And then I told myself,
You never would,

My ears burn,
Bu nott from compliments,
I burned away your voice,
From this f**ked up little head of mine,
Go to the stationary store,
And purchase every pencil,
Trying to erase every word,
That you ever said, about me

I'm not listening anymore,
So why do you even bother,
You're messages go unreturned,
Yet still you leave them,
Just like you left me,
Sitting in my room,
And waiting for you to call,
You never did,
And then I told myself,
You never would,

My eyes hurt,
From three days without sleep,
I canceled out these thoughts,
With the blood of our lord,
It blinds me,
Covers up my eyes,
But doesn't stop me seeing you,
In every dream I have,

I'm not listening anymore,
So why do you even bother,
You're messages go unreturned,
Yet still you leave them,
Just like you left me,
Sitting in my room,
And waiting for you to call,
You never did,
And then I told myself,
You never would,

You never will,
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RiCterMan
ubw luminary
ubw luminary



Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Location: Madison, OH
Posts: 734

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 9:36 pm Reply with quote

Hey Tom,

As usual, you did very well writing this. I thought it was quite interesting at the beginning when you said, "I'll tie it around your neck." I've found it's better to use a line like that at the beginning, because it grabs people's attention. You accomplished that when I was reading it.

Last thing, I'd really like to know what you think about a song I wrote today, and I'll be posting it shortly. It's titled, "R.G.B. Panoramic", and it seems pretty interesting to me, but I want to know what you, and everyone else thinks. (Thanks.)

Very cool song you got here. Cheers, Tom!

RiCterMan
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minusme
Site Admin



Joined: Jan 25, 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 3732

Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 9:00 pm Reply with quote

I agree with RiCterMan about the strong into to raise attention early! This one has an almost 'punk' feel to me. I can see the lyrics almost yelled over some heavy guitar riff.

Well done!
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sonyreece
ubw newbie
ubw newbie



Joined: Jul 18, 2005

Posts: 8

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 3:28 pm Reply with quote

ver harsh but really good... i could def see some soft opening then slamming it out... great
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